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Paris Hilton exits missionary position to save Universe

Well, as you can see here, our big Paris Hilton headline competition provoked a bit of a stampede among Reg commentators keen to contribute their bit to the advancement of Vulture Central's award-winning non-IT-related coverage. For the record, the headline and intro you now see are a composite of the best on offer as chosen by …

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Headline

Rwanda Mourns Loss of Paris Hilton

Paris Hilton

Swedish Chef

Paris Hilton BORK BORK BORK

sorry- first thing that came to mind

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Paris Hilton

Paris Hilton deals Rwandan blow - job with japanese babes

All because she was feeling empty inside

Anonymous Coward
Paris Hilton

Paris Hilton Big In Japan

Nuff Said

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Well, here goes...

Partier Paris Picks Posers, Chump Changes Charity

Paris Hilton

Paris Hilton surprises no-one, gets coverage

Sub-head:

Priorities re-assessed, pointlessness re-affirmed

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Surely its..

Paris Hilton drops everything to leave twinkle in Jap's eye...

Headline!

Hilton postpones Rwanda for one night in Tokyo.

Happy

Paris Hilton does the Tokyo Universe

Paris Hilton does the Tokyo Universe -

Besides being a jailbird

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Paris Hilton, if you think you're hard enough

Or are you going to disqualify me because you said that already without knowing it worked..?

Still isn't dead

Sub title : Satans minions delighted

Paris Hilton

Paris Hilton Eats Baby Seal

"Thats Hot" she fumed as she asked for a glass of water!

Underwear was nowhere to be seen.

Heart

"Paris Hilton leaves Rwanda; Hits Japan; Misses Universe."

Also, did anyone else misread a line in the article as the following:

"[PH] was airlifted yesterday into a media thong"

Title..

here's a couple

Paris Hilton exposes her values.

Paris Hilton leaves her mark, by pissing on Rwanda

Paris Hilton

Oh well

No point entering now.

"Paris Hilton deals Rwandan blow - job with japanese babes" wins without a doubt!

Thumb Up

My two cents

Paris Hilton receives honorary doctorate for services to mankind

It can ONLY be

"Paris Hilton Ate My Platoon" Says Dog Soldier.

Paris Hilton

Paris Hilton Rwandas' off (again)

I'll get my coat

IT Angle

My Effort

Paris Dies in Gutter, Pap Sells £1M Corpse Pic.

Paris Hilton

"Nipping it in the bud", claims Paris

...Sub Comment : "Rwanda breathes sigh of relief at exiting Paris"

Paris Hilton: "Bring us sushi" demand starving Rwandan orphans

or Paris chooses Bullet train over bullets

IT Angle

Paris Hilton Drops Tutsis for Titsies

Self explanatory, I hope.

Paris Titilates Rawandans, Engulfs Japanese.

Japanese scientists clone Paris Hilton every Country on Earth to receive Goodwill Ambassador; )

Non topical

Paris Hilton in African, Japanese Ménage à trois shocker! (No Video)

Paris Hilton

Paris abandons Rwanda to save Universe

Paris abandons Rwanda to save Universe

Happy

Paris Hilton's tunnel closes for reburbishment

News in that Paris Hilton's local metro stop is to close for refurbishment is in...

http://www.hilton.co.uk/paris

Paris Hilton

Hutu and Tutsi United

No Hilton in Kigali

"Paris Hilton...

...remains someone I have no interest in reading stories about, least of all on The Register."

And as a subheading you could have "Now in process: Less of the heiress"

No title but . . .

I just loved the line

" the multi-talented heiress was airlifted yesterday into a media thong"

huh? What . . . did I misread it . . . ?

Thumb Down

Paris Hilton declared non entity

Still gets publicity for being pointless vaccuous media whore.

Thumb Up

Yawn, Yawn, Yawn

Paris Hilton Does Miss Universe

(sub headline) Promises to do Rwanda next week

Alert

Paris Hilton - 'Fingers up to Rwanda for quick thrill in Tokoyo'

rarara

Paris Hilton

Stupid Call-Girl Goes Far Eastern: Tits Instead of Orphans

Sick Chix Nix Kids

Paris Hilton Pledges to Leave a Mark on the World !

In other news; Dry-Cleaning shares up, Kleenex shares up, Hotel shares down.

Sony to open new camcorder tape plant.

2008 Internet speeds forecast to be slow.

Yeah, too big for a headline but what the heck?

Paris Hilton to Miss Universe

Subtitle: Feelings aren't reciprocated, through.

Paris Hilton

A few:

Paris crowns Japanese babes over Rwanda starving

Paris prefers Japanese women to Rwandan

Charity is hard but judging swimwear is harder! explains Paris

Paris is airlifted to Japan escaping Rwanda!

I can leave a bigger mark with Japanese babes than those in Rwanda, so says Paris

Raw fish over dead cow!

Paris Hilton Polls Mori - No Comment

My £0.02 worth

Paris Hilton Judges In Japan for the Sake of It

Let's face it, she's probably only there for the rice wine.

'ny

Happy

here is your risky healine

Paris Hilton Wares' Yellow, Dumps Brown

Paris Hilton

Paris Hilton Drops Everything For Fashion Election

Ls and Rs not confused

Paris Hilton Checks Out Of Hotel Rwanda To Check Out Japanese Babes

As above...

Go

Paris Hilton dumps starving Rwandan's for starving blondes, who's skinnier?

And more to the point, who's better educated? My moneys on the Rwandan's.

Caring Paris Hilton Blows needy Rwandans prefering Asian babes

Sex sex sex .... please

IT Girl needs SAT NAV!

It takes a certain type of person to aim for Rwanda and hit japan!

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