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back to article Jordan mulls mamtastic epitaph

Those among you who are still wondering with a kind of shocked disbelief why oh why oh why didn't talented chanteuese and Bulgarian airbag scaffold Jordan feature on the list of top Brits wits need look no further than today's Sun for enlightenment. While the late Spike Milligan was honoured for, among other classics, his …

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  1. Matt Zywina
    Happy

    Obvious, really

    Thanks for the mammaries.

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  2. Colin Jackson
    Coat

    How about...

    "Thanks for the mammaries?"

    Mines the burberry, taxi's on it's way.

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  3. Bez

    How about...

    "Jordan is dead,

    But please don't be blue.

    Though she's six foot below

    Her nipples poke through."

    Or, simply, "It's all gone hugely tits-up."

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  4. Les Matthew

    Here I lie

    when it all goes tits up.

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  5. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    here's one...

    "Thick as F**k."

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  6. Anonymous Coward
    IT Angle

    IT Angle?

    Well?

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  7. Karl Lattimer
    Paris Hilton

    Is this "woman" for real

    Seriously, she is so absolutely moronically stupid she should be shot just to prevent any further incursions into the future gene pool.

    For a start, her tits are fake, and completely shit!

    PS. Where's the paris hilton angle?

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  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Multi-talented

    She exceeded her limitations and improved her only talents.

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  9. Stuart Gray

    In honour of El Reg

    I've gone titsup

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  10. Dave Alderson

    Jordan has her good points

    I like Jordan... She has her good points ;-)

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  11. Dan

    burial mounds

    that woman's knockers will be around long after she, and indeed the rest of us, have shuffled off.

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  12. Lloyd
    IT Angle

    Or how about

    "The Worlds greatest mum", she did win mum of the year didn't she? Although how she did when her oldest son ran into a mirror whilst unattended kind of beggars belief.

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  13. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    A few possibilities

    She sleeps alone at last

    Here lies the body of Katie Price; While she may rot; Her assets will not

    Fame she had a plenty; Although her mind was empty; Here she turns; Amidst the worms; Appalled she's now a non-entity.

    And finally ,

    Where have all the cameras gone?

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  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Mountains out of molehills

    Short and sweet is best, so:

    "Here lies Jordan, who finally went tits up"

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  15. Dave
    Paris Hilton

    how about....

    ...titillating conversationalist.

    can we vote for peter andre's epitaph to be "he was a perfect tit"

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  16. Rusty Warrior
    Coat

    Errrrr

    Thanks for the mamaries?

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  17. Harvey Trowell
    Coat

    Re: Don't bother with "Breast in Peace" - the Sun has beaten you to that one.

    They didn't run with "In loving Mammary"?

    Thanks for the Mammaries?

    Silicon but not forgotten?

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  18. Rusty Warrior
    Coat

    errrrrr 2

    Sphere we go?

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  19. Peter Kay

    Perhaps some Nena

    99 Red Balloons, anyone?

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  20. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    The girl DOES have wit

    By the time she reaches her 60's, her first suggestion "She had perfect tits" will be supprisingly accurate.

    However the epitaph, "90% biodegradable" also springs to mind

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  21. Dogbyte
    Coat

    Hmmm...

    Thanks for the mammaries

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  22. Chris Moss

    An epitaph for when Jordon is 6 foot under

    "My final implant."

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  23. Anonymous Coward
    Go

    Umm

    Thanks for the mammaries ?

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  24. Si Donbavand

    Jordan's Epitaph

    "She married a tit"

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  25. Ian
    Coat

    Depending on how deep she's buried....

    They might be wise to put "Mind the step" on there.

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  26. Karl
    Coat

    Epitath? Epiteth? Epitit?

    "Here lies Katie 'Jordan' Price, who went titsup on..."

    "At rest, after a bumpy ride."

    "She was a titbit."

    "Here be flagons."

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  28. TeeCee Gold badge
    Coat

    How about....

    "Her boobs and cock-ups were legendary".

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  29. Tom Watson

    epitath

    I came, I saw, but I never really understood.

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  30. Rich Whittaker
    Thumb Down

    Surely it would be better to be honest?

    She was useless in life, at least now shes feeding the worms.

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  31. Jimmy Fizz

    epitaph

    Loving mother, devoted wife, massive tits.

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  32. TeeCee Gold badge
    Paris Hilton

    I hate to double-post, but....

    "A dirty weekend in Jordan was cheaper than one night in Paris".

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  33. Brian

    How about....

    "Don't cry for me. I've always been happiest on my back"

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  34. michael
    Happy

    new name for princess

    why not call the daughter Tiaamii Suu?

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  35. Dogbyte

    Or maybe...

    Simply the breast

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  36. Kenny Millar
    Thumb Up

    How about...

    Inflated in Life,

    Inflated Chest,

    Inflated Ego,

    All deflated in Death.

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  37. Mata

    How about...

    'Not the river.'

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  38. Sy
    Thumb Down

    Moron

    Or maybe Annoying. Either or which I think are wholly suitable...I can think of others but I doubt they'd get published.

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  39. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    COSHH & Silicone Oil...

    I’m no expert (I’m sure that there is someone out there that will put me right) but is there a COSHH problem with putting that amount of silicone in the ground ?

    Environmental Precautions:

    Do not allow to enter drains or water

    courses.

    Methods of spill cleaning:

    Wipe, scrape or soak up in an inert

    material and put in container for disposal.

    Wash walking surfaces with a detergent

    and water to reduce slipping hazard.

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  40. Andrew Wood
    Happy

    Epitaph

    ( o Y o )

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  41. lansalot
    Coat

    suggestions

    On the Spike Milligan theme, how about "Clearly, I was mentally ill" ?

    or

    Don't stand there - you'll burst them!

    CCTV in action - nork-lifters will be prosecuted

    Question: will she be going for the Y-shaped coffin at all ? Or perhaps a little creative corpse arrangement could negate the need for a vase at said site ? Take the Billy Connolly route and give visitors somewhere to park their bike ?

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  42. supermeerkat
    Thumb Up

    A towering intellect of a woman...

    Sadly for her it will be posterity that recognises her genius, thereby denying her the adulation she so craves.

    'Twas ever thus for minds of her stature.

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  43. SoupDragon

    Gravestones

    No epitaph, but I heard she has commissioned the artist who designed these to make her gravestone:

    www.skateparkoftampa.com/spot/images/btb7tits.jpg

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  44. Chris
    Coat

    How about...

    Thanks for the mammaries

    Not dead, chest sleeping

    Crossed over to the udder side

    Excuse my bust

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  45. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    A Suggestion

    How about 'I finally went titsup.'?

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  46. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    in Mammory of Jordon

    And the Cloakroom is where sorry?

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  47. Matthew
    Flame

    I think this time, I must insist

    No Photographs!

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  48. Lyndon Barry

    Here Lies Katie "Jordan" Price

    I couldn't dance

    I couldn't sing

    I couldn't act.

    I couldn't write

    But my tits will still be here long after you're dead.

    Or maybe

    Born May 1978

    Implanted 199X

    Died XXX XXXX

    She came, she implanted, She posed, She gave birth, She married famous people and still nobody gave a flying f*ck when she died

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  49. Andy G
    Coat

    kinda obvious but...

    ... tits up ??

    :o)

    /coat lol

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  50. Lyndon Barry
    Happy

    She might get poetic!

    I was just a little girl,

    when I asked my mother "What will I be?"

    "Will I be famous", "Will I be rich"

    Here's what she said to me..

    "No you f*cking won't, you'll be a annoying waste of time, taking up precious air, flaunting your plastic boobs at celebrities and pretending to be important to gossip rags in a vain attempt to prove that you're somebody special."

    I proved her wrong didn't I?

    hmm, I'm getting a bit vindictive here aren't I?

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