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back to article Jordan mulls mamtastic epitaph

Those among you who are still wondering with a kind of shocked disbelief why oh why oh why didn't talented chanteuese and Bulgarian airbag scaffold Jordan feature on the list of top Brits wits need look no further than today's Sun for enlightenment. While the late Spike Milligan was honoured for, among other classics, his …

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Happy

Obvious, really

Thanks for the mammaries.

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Coat

How about...

"Thanks for the mammaries?"

Mines the burberry, taxi's on it's way.

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Bez

How about...

"Jordan is dead,

But please don't be blue.

Though she's six foot below

Her nipples poke through."

Or, simply, "It's all gone hugely tits-up."

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Here I lie

when it all goes tits up.

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Joke

here's one...

"Thick as F**k."

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IT Angle

IT Angle?

Well?

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Paris Hilton

Is this "woman" for real

Seriously, she is so absolutely moronically stupid she should be shot just to prevent any further incursions into the future gene pool.

For a start, her tits are fake, and completely shit!

PS. Where's the paris hilton angle?

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Anonymous Coward

Multi-talented

She exceeded her limitations and improved her only talents.

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In honour of El Reg

I've gone titsup

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Jordan has her good points

I like Jordan... She has her good points ;-)

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Dan

burial mounds

that woman's knockers will be around long after she, and indeed the rest of us, have shuffled off.

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IT Angle

Or how about

"The Worlds greatest mum", she did win mum of the year didn't she? Although how she did when her oldest son ran into a mirror whilst unattended kind of beggars belief.

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Paris Hilton

A few possibilities

She sleeps alone at last

Here lies the body of Katie Price; While she may rot; Her assets will not

Fame she had a plenty; Although her mind was empty; Here she turns; Amidst the worms; Appalled she's now a non-entity.

And finally ,

Where have all the cameras gone?

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Anonymous Coward

Mountains out of molehills

Short and sweet is best, so:

"Here lies Jordan, who finally went tits up"

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Paris Hilton

how about....

...titillating conversationalist.

can we vote for peter andre's epitaph to be "he was a perfect tit"

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Coat

Errrrr

Thanks for the mamaries?

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Coat

Re: Don't bother with "Breast in Peace" - the Sun has beaten you to that one.

They didn't run with "In loving Mammary"?

Thanks for the Mammaries?

Silicon but not forgotten?

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Coat

errrrrr 2

Sphere we go?

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Perhaps some Nena

99 Red Balloons, anyone?

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Coat

The girl DOES have wit

By the time she reaches her 60's, her first suggestion "She had perfect tits" will be supprisingly accurate.

However the epitaph, "90% biodegradable" also springs to mind

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Coat

Hmmm...

Thanks for the mammaries

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An epitaph for when Jordon is 6 foot under

"My final implant."

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Go

Umm

Thanks for the mammaries ?

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Jordan's Epitaph

"She married a tit"

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Ian
Coat

Depending on how deep she's buried....

They might be wise to put "Mind the step" on there.

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Coat

Epitath? Epiteth? Epitit?

"Here lies Katie 'Jordan' Price, who went titsup on..."

"At rest, after a bumpy ride."

"She was a titbit."

"Here be flagons."

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This post has been deleted by its author

Gold badge
Coat

How about....

"Her boobs and cock-ups were legendary".

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epitath

I came, I saw, but I never really understood.

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Thumb Down

Surely it would be better to be honest?

She was useless in life, at least now shes feeding the worms.

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epitaph

Loving mother, devoted wife, massive tits.

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Gold badge
Paris Hilton

I hate to double-post, but....

"A dirty weekend in Jordan was cheaper than one night in Paris".

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How about....

"Don't cry for me. I've always been happiest on my back"

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Happy

new name for princess

why not call the daughter Tiaamii Suu?

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Or maybe...

Simply the breast

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Thumb Up

How about...

Inflated in Life,

Inflated Chest,

Inflated Ego,

All deflated in Death.

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How about...

'Not the river.'

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Sy
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Moron

Or maybe Annoying. Either or which I think are wholly suitable...I can think of others but I doubt they'd get published.

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Anonymous Coward

COSHH & Silicone Oil...

I’m no expert (I’m sure that there is someone out there that will put me right) but is there a COSHH problem with putting that amount of silicone in the ground ?

Environmental Precautions:

Do not allow to enter drains or water

courses.

Methods of spill cleaning:

Wipe, scrape or soak up in an inert

material and put in container for disposal.

Wash walking surfaces with a detergent

and water to reduce slipping hazard.

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Happy

Epitaph

( o Y o )

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Coat

suggestions

On the Spike Milligan theme, how about "Clearly, I was mentally ill" ?

or

Don't stand there - you'll burst them!

CCTV in action - nork-lifters will be prosecuted

Question: will she be going for the Y-shaped coffin at all ? Or perhaps a little creative corpse arrangement could negate the need for a vase at said site ? Take the Billy Connolly route and give visitors somewhere to park their bike ?

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Thumb Up

A towering intellect of a woman...

Sadly for her it will be posterity that recognises her genius, thereby denying her the adulation she so craves.

'Twas ever thus for minds of her stature.

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Gravestones

No epitaph, but I heard she has commissioned the artist who designed these to make her gravestone:

www.skateparkoftampa.com/spot/images/btb7tits.jpg

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Coat

How about...

Thanks for the mammaries

Not dead, chest sleeping

Crossed over to the udder side

Excuse my bust

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Anonymous Coward

A Suggestion

How about 'I finally went titsup.'?

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Ben
Bronze badge

in Mammory of Jordon

And the Cloakroom is where sorry?

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Flame

I think this time, I must insist

No Photographs!

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Here Lies Katie "Jordan" Price

I couldn't dance

I couldn't sing

I couldn't act.

I couldn't write

But my tits will still be here long after you're dead.

Or maybe

Born May 1978

Implanted 199X

Died XXX XXXX

She came, she implanted, She posed, She gave birth, She married famous people and still nobody gave a flying f*ck when she died

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Coat

kinda obvious but...

... tits up ??

:o)

/coat lol

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Happy

She might get poetic!

I was just a little girl,

when I asked my mother "What will I be?"

"Will I be famous", "Will I be rich"

Here's what she said to me..

"No you f*cking won't, you'll be a annoying waste of time, taking up precious air, flaunting your plastic boobs at celebrities and pretending to be important to gossip rags in a vain attempt to prove that you're somebody special."

I proved her wrong didn't I?

hmm, I'm getting a bit vindictive here aren't I?

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