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back to article Ninja she-devils rob Pennsylvania gas station

Pennsylvania's Richmond Township is indubitably bemoaning its lack of a mobile SWAT team of crimebusting vigilante Shaolin Temple kung fu monks after two women dressed as ninjas robbed a local gas station at swordpoint. According to thepittsburghchannel.com, the pair crouching tigered their way into the Sunoco station at 3am on …

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Anonymous Coward

She-ninjas?!

I'm in love! I mean it this time!

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Anonymous Coward

Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!

Damn, this should be turned into a film. "I never try anything. I just do it. And I don't beat clocks, just people! Wanna try me?"

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How to spot a ninja

Announce, in a loud voice "I know something else thats silent and deadly- my farts"

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Quickly...

Send in Chuck Norris!

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Pirates of the world unite

The time for the great Pirates V Ninja war is upon us!

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Anonymous Coward

Swords & Daggers

So we'll just have to pass Sword & Dagger Control laws, that'll stop it.

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Anonymous Coward

El Reg should be afraid

as ninjas are plotting their revenge for having lost the chance to fight Chuck Norris...

they just need the lottery tickets and cigarrets to fund their movement

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Screw Norris

Bruce Lee already kicked his ass :)

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Bronze badge

Time for a remake of "West Side Story"?

"When You're a Ninjette

"You're a Ninjette all the way

"From your first cigarette

"To your last dyin' day..."

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Anonymous Coward

This was the US remember

Chances are they were 2 juggernaut sized women, looking like the back end of a bus, wearing size 30 black curtains. I know they say the bigger they are the harder they fall but really Bruce, Pirates, Chuck et al would probably just sink in to the rolls of fat.... may the lord have mercy on their souls, they have met their match.

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@ Anonymous Coward Re: This was the US remember

You're just jealous that your postage-stamp sized nation can't grow enough food to feed anyone that well.

Pirate!

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@ Morely Dotes

If by "postage-stamp sized nation" you mean the UK I'll have you know we have plenty of fatties. In your face.

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Silver badge

@Morely

Brilliant comeback ! Although I might have issues with the notion of tank-sized people being "well" fed, I still have a great smile as I type this.

Thanks for lightening the day !

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Maggie

I regret the omission of a certain M. Thatcher from the recent poll on Shaolin Kung-Fu Monks v. Ninjas v. Charles Norris. She'd have given them all a damn good handbagging, after all she crushed the mining industry, Ronnie Reagan and the unions under her dainty size 6 court shoes.

The US were afraid of the UK when Maggie was in charge!

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@Bill Fresher

Sadly true but nothing we should be proud about or admitting in public. And Morely is right that our lardassess don't get to anything like city-shaking size that the US grows 'em to.

I still believe that the original Gojira movies were created after an average Nipponese director had to run in terror from a rampaging Indianapolis roleplayer consuming everything in its path.

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Ru

She-ninja == Kunoichi

I believe.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Pirates of the world unite

"The time for the great Pirates V Ninja war is upon us!"

Isn't that some sort of Pastafarian armageddon?

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Stealing lottery tickets?

Shurely that's one of the most stupid things to steal... I'm assuming they stole instant-win scratch cards or the like, in which case all the police need to do is take a note of the serial numbers allocated to the shop, and wait for somebody to try to cash in a winner.

Ninjas they may be, brainiacs certainly not.

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Anonymous Coward

Ninjas or Burkas?

Were they really female ninjas, or the ladies wing of the Pennsylvania Al Qaeda branch in standard issue Burkas?

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I eagerly await...

Come on someone has to do it...

I'm off to www.askaninja.com to get his take on it!

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YarrRRR!!!! Bring 'em on, m'hearties

YarrRRR!!!! Bring 'em on, m'hearties

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Bronze badge

I used to know a ninja...

Well, she said she was studying ninjitsu, and she seemed able to do martial arts stuff, so I wasn't going to argue. And not slender--muscle rather than fat.

The last I heard, she'd married a vicar. There's some church somewhere in England where it would be a seriously bad idea to try to break open the poor-box.

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Anonymous Coward

Kunoichi is correct!

"ninjitsu" is not.

NinjUtsu.

*runs away and hides in shadows*

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Real Ultimate Power

1. Ninjas are mammals.

2. Ninjas fight ALL the time.

3. The purpose of the ninja is to flip out and kill people.

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A lot of that going around

There has also been a "Ninja Burglar" terrorizing New York. He dresses in black, carries nunchuku, and robs homes while people are there.

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@NYC Ninja

Seems rather practical. People will be so busy boggling at the strange attire and weapons that they're unlikely to get a decent look at the *real* people inside the hollywood suits.

And nunchuku, or flails, should be pretty effective in NYC, a city wherein the law-abiding citizens have been largely disarmed by a lengthy series of cowardly politicians.

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Drop the Eye Patch

Excuse me, but I must have that Lovely Eye Patch. . . .

Jubie Chan Anime

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@Matthew

Matthew, I so don't even want to know how come you know Lady T's shoe size. That is just so wrong.

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A Serious Crime....

" Chief Robert Amman of the Northern Regional Police Department said: "They were all covered in black and carrying swords, so it did appear that they were dressed like ninjas. Swords, daggers could be used to seriously harm victims, so this is a very serious crime." "

Chief Robert Amman is being very perceptive here. Me thought that swords and daggers are for tickling the toes of the victims.

one wonder if the ninjas be "tasered" or shot "without prejudice"..

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@Bill Fresher

My country's fatties can kick your contry's fatties's asses :P

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where's the youtube

Gas stations have loads of cctv cameras so come on people share with the world.

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