Oz burglar had sex with Hoover
An Oz chap who broke into a neighbour's house and "played sex games in the bathroom with a bottle of toilet detergent and a vacuum cleaner" was fingered two years after the outrage by the DNA he left on a pair of rubber gloves, Reuters reports. Jamie Lacey, 27, was "high on drugs" when he entered the Brisbane house in September …
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Classic
Really just amazingly twisted and wrong what drug did this to this poor thief.
Obviously too much Blue Peter as a child.
"a sex toy from a bottle of detergent, a piece of wood and a rubber glove" I bet there was some 'Sticky Backed Plastic' in there too
What??????
..... No GIFs or JPGs? I feel cheated somehow. A least tell us what drugs he was taking.
CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER:
"This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER... Joe has just learned to speak
German Now, get this, heres why he did it! He's gonna go to this club on
the other side of town, it's called THE CLOSET...
And they got these Appliances in there that really go for a guy dressed up
like a housewife who can speak German (you know what I mean)... so
Joe's learned how to speak German, he goes in this place and he sees
these little Kitchen Machineries dancing around with each other, and he
sees this one...that looks like it's a cross between an industrial vacuum
cleaner and a chrome piggy bank with marital aids stuck all over its body..."
.........
"JOE:
Gee, this is great
Hows about some bondage and humiliation"
.........
"Oh no, I don't believe it
You're way more fun than Mary..."
.........
"And cleaner than Lucille..."
.........
"What have I been missing
All these years?"
.........
"SY BORG:
Plooking too hard on me-e-e-e-e...
JOE:
Speak to me
Oh no...
The golden shower must have shorted out
His master circuit
He's, he's, oh my God
I must have plooked him...
Hey
To death...
Hey
CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER:
This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER...You have just destroyed
one model XOJ-37 Nuclear Powered Pan-Sexual Roto-Plooker.
And you're gonna have to pay for it! So give up, you haven't
got a chance."
And I thought these things could only happen in Joe's Garage......
Could you put me in touch?
I'd like to buy his sex toy design!
Henry is innocent
I bet it wasn't a Henry but the smaller, pink version - the Hetty.
Flashing her eyelashes at him, the poor innocent housebreaker.
She led him in to it with promises of being compact but still being able to outperform many others.
Why do the courts never listen to the victims of opportunist vacuum cleaners having their way with poor unsuspecting young males.
I can't buy the 'I was stoned at the time' rubbish - he wasn't so out of it as he remembered the rubber gloves.
That's one messy messy story
I'd claim to have been taking every drug under the sun if I'd been fingered for that - just for credibility...
F.B.I.
When I first read the title I thought it was about a sex scandal from the Bureau's archives.
Title
@ BitTwister
better </coat> ;-)
-But, what was the wood for???
-Andy
@Andy
Everybody knows you need wood before you indulge, no matter what your fancies...
Hmm...
"Rafter sentenced Lacey to 12 months' community service, sparing him jail since he'd cleaned up his act, held a job for two years and was now a father."
All those little baby hoovers.
@Vladimir Plouzhnikov
Fuck, you're as crazy as he is...
Or was, as he's apparently 'cleaned up his act'.
@Hetty - I'm with you on this one, it was that little minx's fault...
strange love ..
Who exactly in your Organ has the obsession with non-standard human sexual behavior, inflatable girlfriends, interspecies sex ..
@Dan
Did you notice the quotation marks? Does the name Frank Zappa say anything to you?
@Andy Crofts
Nah, I was already wearing my coat...
> But, what was the wood for???
Maybe he needed it to prod the on/off switch once he'd er, got into position. ;)
Coat...
Mind to explain this "coat" joke to a non-British reader?
thanks
Re: Coat...
- one of many catchphrases from British TV comedy from a few years ago called "The Fast Show".
- said when attempted joke falls embarrassingly flat. Has taken wings on Reg comments.
Drew
El Reg
@Coat...
As in:
The scene is an oh-so elegant dinner party with lots of bright young things chattering knowledgeably about the meaning behind high art forms and related esoterica. We see that one of the guests is a bit worried, looking anxiously from face to face and desperately trying to keep up - and hoping no-one will involve him in the discussion.
Unfortunately one of them does, rounding on him with "And what say you, pray tell?" Ever hopeful, he replies with "I do like a nice painting-by-numbers picture - they're very good".
A frosty silence falls over the table; there are a few embarrassed coughs. The guy shrugs his shoulders, realizing there's nothing for it now except a hasty exit and as he leaves his seat, in a resigned voice says "I'll get my coat..."
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