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back to article Oz burglar had sex with Hoover

An Oz chap who broke into a neighbour's house and "played sex games in the bathroom with a bottle of toilet detergent and a vacuum cleaner" was fingered two years after the outrage by the DNA he left on a pair of rubber gloves, Reuters reports. Jamie Lacey, 27, was "high on drugs" when he entered the Brisbane house in September …

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Anonymous Coward

the IT angle

Was it a Vax?

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RE: the IT angle

Nah, could have been a dirt devil

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Anonymous Coward

Now we know

Why Henry's smiling :P

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Anonymous Coward

Classic

Really just amazingly twisted and wrong what drug did this to this poor thief.

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Anonymous Coward

Obviously too much Blue Peter as a child.

"a sex toy from a bottle of detergent, a piece of wood and a rubber glove" I bet there was some 'Sticky Backed Plastic' in there too

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What??????

..... No GIFs or JPGs? I feel cheated somehow. A least tell us what drugs he was taking.

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Silver badge

CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER:

"This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER... Joe has just learned to speak

German Now, get this, heres why he did it! He's gonna go to this club on

the other side of town, it's called THE CLOSET...

And they got these Appliances in there that really go for a guy dressed up

like a housewife who can speak German (you know what I mean)... so

Joe's learned how to speak German, he goes in this place and he sees

these little Kitchen Machineries dancing around with each other, and he

sees this one...that looks like it's a cross between an industrial vacuum

cleaner and a chrome piggy bank with marital aids stuck all over its body..."

.........

"JOE:

Gee, this is great

Hows about some bondage and humiliation"

.........

"Oh no, I don't believe it

You're way more fun than Mary..."

.........

"And cleaner than Lucille..."

.........

"What have I been missing

All these years?"

.........

"SY BORG:

Plooking too hard on me-e-e-e-e...

JOE:

Speak to me

Oh no...

The golden shower must have shorted out

His master circuit

He's, he's, oh my God

I must have plooked him...

Hey

To death...

Hey

CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER:

This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER...You have just destroyed

one model XOJ-37 Nuclear Powered Pan-Sexual Roto-Plooker.

And you're gonna have to pay for it! So give up, you haven't

got a chance."

And I thought these things could only happen in Joe's Garage......

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Joe

Could you put me in touch?

I'd like to buy his sex toy design!

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Silver badge

Henry is innocent

I bet it wasn't a Henry but the smaller, pink version - the Hetty.

Flashing her eyelashes at him, the poor innocent housebreaker.

She led him in to it with promises of being compact but still being able to outperform many others.

Why do the courts never listen to the victims of opportunist vacuum cleaners having their way with poor unsuspecting young males.

I can't buy the 'I was stoned at the time' rubbish - he wasn't so out of it as he remembered the rubber gloves.

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Silver badge

That's one messy messy story

I'd claim to have been taking every drug under the sun if I'd been fingered for that - just for credibility...

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F.B.I.

When I first read the title I thought it was about a sex scandal from the Bureau's archives.

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Ah yes...

...nothing sucks like an Electrolux.

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Bronze badge

Title

@ BitTwister

better </coat> ;-)

-But, what was the wood for???

-Andy

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Rob

@Andy

Everybody knows you need wood before you indulge, no matter what your fancies...

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JR

Hmm...

"Rafter sentenced Lacey to 12 months' community service, sparing him jail since he'd cleaned up his act, held a job for two years and was now a father."

All those little baby hoovers.

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Could you put me in touch? 2

Its already patented

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Dan

@Vladimir Plouzhnikov

Fuck, you're as crazy as he is...

Or was, as he's apparently 'cleaned up his act'.

@Hetty - I'm with you on this one, it was that little minx's fault...

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He was fingered?

Kinky. Each to their own like.

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strange love ..

Who exactly in your Organ has the obsession with non-standard human sexual behavior, inflatable girlfriends, interspecies sex ..

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Silver badge

@Dan

Did you notice the quotation marks? Does the name Frank Zappa say anything to you?

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IT angle

The build vs. buy debate goes on...

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@Andy Crofts

Nah, I was already wearing my coat...

> But, what was the wood for???

Maybe he needed it to prod the on/off switch once he'd er, got into position. ;)

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Anonymous Coward

Coat...

Mind to explain this "coat" joke to a non-British reader?

thanks

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(Written by Reg staff) Gold badge

Re: Coat...

- one of many catchphrases from British TV comedy from a few years ago called "The Fast Show".

- said when attempted joke falls embarrassingly flat. Has taken wings on Reg comments.

Drew

El Reg

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"Coat"

It's an anagram of "taco", OK?

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@Coat...

As in:

The scene is an oh-so elegant dinner party with lots of bright young things chattering knowledgeably about the meaning behind high art forms and related esoterica. We see that one of the guests is a bit worried, looking anxiously from face to face and desperately trying to keep up - and hoping no-one will involve him in the discussion.

Unfortunately one of them does, rounding on him with "And what say you, pray tell?" Ever hopeful, he replies with "I do like a nice painting-by-numbers picture - they're very good".

A frosty silence falls over the table; there are a few embarrassed coughs. The guy shrugs his shoulders, realizing there's nothing for it now except a hasty exit and as he leaves his seat, in a resigned voice says "I'll get my coat..."

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Aussie Aussie Aussie!

Oi Oi Oi!

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