This story is

a load of bollocks.

From my...

warm sweaty hands.

Help needed for us Americans (we're English-impaired)

A number of words in the article are complete mysteries to this English-impaired American. Looks like your British slang could use some translation.

Yarbles, anyone?

Gentlemen, we thank you

Your sisters, daughters, nieces and mothers thank you all for making the ultimate sacrifice.

Nice to see "boffins"

Except this story is about alleged (future) boffinry... "could be useful"... and the boffinry element is conjectural.

@English Impaired

...And web impaired too?

Try this:

http://www.google.co.uk/search?source=ig&hl=en&q=yarbles&meta=

and pick the urban dictionary entry.

Cor, strike a light guv'nor, I'll get me billy goat now.

Why?

"Such dexterity is all the more impressive - not to say eye-watering - when you consider that thus far they have been working with the testicles of mice rather than men."

I don't understand why you think so. Corresponding cells in mice and men (or whatever) are all about the same size, so under a microscope it's all pretty much the same.

Translation from British

Don't worry - if you only understood one paragraph from that article, you've understood the whole thing. (It was very repetitive.)

In order for you to gain comprehension of the story in its entirety, you need only assimilate a few sentences. (It was very repetitive.)

Fret not - Understanding of the whole can be achieved by reading a small part of it. (It was very repetitive.)

Yarbles

Someone needs a little Clockwork Orange revision, oh my Droogies.

If there's a competion

for the best "colourful" description on the Reg I'm voting for "bollocks bothering boffin".

How many operations...

...before you've not got the balls for any more??

But wait, every little spermatogonial progenitor cell is sacred

I forgot to say while distracted, that while the story is welcome news, I fear that somehow the "every little sperm is sacred" crowd will nonetheless find away to object to this.

It's always "in the future"

Notice how dissecting human fetuses and taking a scalpel to your genitalia always offers the "chance" that a cure will be found in the future for whatever ails you.

Anyone else wonder if these aren't actually all evil mad scientists, who just want to cut up babies and chop off your balls?

Well they've been harvesting stem cells for years now, and not one advert has appeared on TV that offers me a second head or individually coloured eyeballs.

So this leads me to believe they have some nefarious reason for storing all this gene matter in their refrigerators.

Don't be surprised if in twenty years time, every child born looks the spitting image of Angelina Jolie. Even the boys.

How else can these diabolical agents of the devil engineer themselves an attractive partner? Brides for our modern-day Dr Frankensteins if you will.

At last...

now I know what "bollocks" means. It's the english version for the US "balls".

I wonder if women have an equivalent, or are stem-cell deprived for not having err... yarbles?

Organ grinder

Speaking as someone who has end-stage renal failure, I'll gladly undergo getting a knife to the goolies in exchange for a couple of freshly grown (and fully functional) kidneys. Where do I A) sign up, and B) drop my drawers?

How long

before we get the nut snagging and removal assembly line ala spaceballs only for political prisoners of course. They are probably tooling up in China about now and I feel sure Gitmo will have one as well. At least they will be put to good use.

Re:At Last

"now I know what "bollocks" means. It's the english version for the US "balls"."

Very good.

Now learn about 'Wanker" and explain to Microsoft why the name of their anti-virus kit causes us Brits to snigger.

IDBBI

Goolie Grabbing Genius gleanes genes from groaning guys...

what's the

flesh harvesting droid angle?

now you can really say

I'd give my left testicle to spend more time at the pub.

that's great news

I'll have a new set of bollocks please.

Oh what the hell make it two.

@Andy Bright

"every child born looks the spitting image of Angelina Jolie" Sounds great to me. When im old and done and the Jolie clones are all grown up, ill just get a new body grown to order from Tescos organic, stem cell organ replacement counter, and wahy. I finally get to have a go at Jolie. The future is bright.

Chop Chop

I don't understand the need for invasive surgery here. Whatever happened to a magazine and a cup?