back to article Fancy an invisible dog that dances on stilts?

We're very much obliged to reader Euan Webster for alerting us to the possibility of being rendered completely invisible, while teaching our dog to walk and dance on stilts and while gaining "2 – 4 INCHES of intimate length" in the trouser department - and all for just $24.95: Become invisible offer on Ebay Yup, it's a once- …

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Anonymous Coward

Dynamic tension & x-ray specs!

Do you want tireless muscles, etc.

Oh, the stuff of schoolboy dreams....

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2 cures for baldness

Why "two cures for baldness that really work"? Surely if one works, there's no need for the second.

Or maybe the second one reverses the invisibility spell you accidentally cast on your syrup.

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Anonymous Coward

One way of becoming invisible

This may, or may not, be *the* way of making yourself invisible, but I don't think it'll work in practice;

http://www.true-magic.com/writing/invisibility.php

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According to the blurb

I can keep a squirel in my pocket!

I wants a squirel!

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"i have blowed money on dumber shit"

The feedback comments are great, definately worth a read...

my favourites so far:

Buyer feedback: "invisible???????what????"

Seller reply: "Don't be afraid, this can't harm you in any way. Don't let fear stop you!"

and: "i have blowed money on dumber shit"

Brilliant. I think I will use that in my next marketing campaign...

"Buy Elastopants – because you've blown money on dumber shit!"

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and another...

Seller reply: "This is NOT Harry Potter & cloak of invisibility or witchcraft spells: ASK FIRST"

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Even more astounding...

Even more astounding than the ability to become invisible is that 13 people have bought this tripe!

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Anonymous Coward

RE: 2 cures for baldness

Perhaps baldness is a side-effect of immoral use of invisibility.

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SEP

true invisibility is of course impossible, as any fule know.

However, wrap yourself in a Someone Else's Problem Field*, and people will simply look the other way

*(P) Douglas Adams

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I'm not buying this...

...unless he includes an ebook on how to win at poker EVERY TIME.

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Anonymous Coward

Pffft.

I brought the Holy Grail, the meaning of life, the Universe and everything and a Pantera CD all for £15 and £2.50 P&P.

Amateur. Don't you just hate these semi-pro sellers.

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Well...

Tempted to buy just to see what turns up!

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Must Be True

After all, the seller has a 99+% rating.

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MS Windows Vista?

Maybe he's subscribed to the MS way of doing things?

Make outrageous claims about the product, then gradually withdraw them one-by-one as launch-date approaches, before finally launching something much like you already sold that is simply more expensive, more complicated and less reliable but does little new or better than the old product did?

He's in the "outrageous claims" stage now, but if you bought it he'd probably eventually sent you a terrier with a limp and tell you he'd fix most of the other things with the next service pack. And you'd need to buy the "Awesome" new "Lead XP", "Bowl 2007" and "Dog Whistle.NET" to go with the new animal. Quite why they're so "Awesome" would be an assidiously guarded secret, and any attempt to work this out would be faced down by lawyers with thin smiles, thinner briefcases, incredibly slender watches and very, very fat wallets.

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bedroom plans

"Gorilla-tactics: Seduction for your home & car"

Auction doesn't state if said Gorilla is included, but even if it was, I doubt I'd be able to keep the thing in bananas for more than a day or two. I have it on good authority (slang for "I assume") that they stink, and the neighbours might complain if I leave the window open.

Plus, if it got the hump, it might end up with me getting the rogering of my life. And not in a good way.

Unless I've read it wrong, and actually the item in question recommends hanging upside down from the chandelier, grunting and throwing my shit at prospective partners ?

Either way, doesn't sound too appealing to me.

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Anonymous Coward

er...

why is there a picture of a spider crawling down somewhere it shouldn't next to the section on "secrets of sexual seduction"??? Surely that picture should be in the section about controlling animals to do what you want them to do...

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Dan

Best of the feedback...

How about:

I know someone into astral projection. Ended up with demon troubles.

?!

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Become Invisible....

Save your money, I can tell you how to become invisible on the streets for free.

Just dress like a tramp, uriniate yourself and hold out a magazine crying "big issue". Hey Presto, nobody will see or hear you!

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Spider bites

Perhaps the most pressing question about this auction (okay maybe not *THE MOST* pressing, but it's pretty damn pressing all the same) is - why is there a tarantula crawling out of that lady's panties?

At the very least it seems somewhat unwholesome bordering on insanitary with a certain frisson of medical peril involving a trip to A&E, some embarassing questions and a whole lot of antivenom.

Giant venomous spiders can't be *the* secret of sexual seduction can it?

I must admit that neither Ann Summers or I have never considered the romantic prospects of a Valentine's Day bird-eating spider. You never know, in years to come, the a candlelit dinner for two might not be considered complete until the man produces a bunch of tropical arachnids and some crotchless panties for his lady friend.

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wow people buy this junk

I cant believe how many people have left positive feedback for him on this junk....... maybe it does work?

Or maybe he just has loads of shill accounts.

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Yeah - now what?

This may, or may not, be *the* way of making yourself invisible, but I don't think it'll work in practice;

http://www.true-magic.com/writing/invisibility.php

I tried this. It took about five minutes. Now I'm stuck somewhere near the ceiling and can't find myself to get down.

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Silver badge

The secret is...

Ride a motorcycle and wear fluorescent clothes and you instantly become undetectable to the human eye.

This is why banks insist that you don't wear a helmet in their branches - not so the cameras can get a mugshot, it's to stop you from breaking into the vault completely undetected by the staff.

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Can someone buy this please

before I do! Curiousilty killed.... arrrgghhh!

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@Anarchy

Or Douglas Adams other solution.. It worked with the Bugblatter Beast of Traal, so why not everything else..

Put a towel over your head.

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Shame...

If it were a Ninja technique, I might've been interested. Ninja. Cool.

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Anonymous Coward

Seeing Sense

"Tempted to buy just to see what turns up!"

Ah, don't you SEE? After 3 weeks you ask the seller where it is, and get the reply "I've sent it, but it must have become invisible in the post".

Then he'll probably send you an invisible cheque as a refund. Or a replacement written in invisible ink on volatile memory.

Finally of course, the seller will disappear, taking his secret with him. And the buyers will work out that if they too publish a listing just like the original, they too can have good reason to become invisible within a couple of weeks.

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Anonymous Coward

The secret is really simple....

Just get a job in IT Network Support.

When it works nobody notices or even acknowledges that you even exist.

When its doesnt work, everyone is looking, but no one can ever find you.

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They demonstrate their invisibility technique on their page.

It's called "bandwidth exceeded."

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OI gerroff!!!!

Some invisible dude just whispered it works in my ear and made off with my wallet.

(at least thats what I will tell the wife when I get home (*hic!*)

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I think the Reg should buy the book and review it

Go on, you know you want to.

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Invisidility is easy...

Dress up as a weapon of mass destruction - you'll never be found...

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Anonymous Coward

I'm guessing...

...that the invisibility bit is a transcription of this:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Invisibility-Mastering-Vanishing-Paths-Inner/dp/1855381680

Lots of mystical bullshot and vague hand-waving over how it's supposed to work. It's a laugh a minute :)

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Stu

Ya need 2 cures for baldness because...

Some people are allergic to one or other of the cures, ya see. Yeah, that's the ticket!

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Nearly every feedback reply...

Noticed how nearly every feedback reply begins with: "As we promised: NO LIES OR SCAMS!" - dodgy....

Then people saying "It didn't make me invisible" - "This isn't harry potter and the invisibility cloak" - no, it says "become invisible". That implies that you will become invisible.

Who would buy this anyway, must be a load of people with more money than sense, they should just all give their money to charity (or me).

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re: others

Re: SEP

It worked OK for the Doctor, Martha and Captain Jack when the Master had the whole planet looking for them (always works for the TARDIS and it always works for Martha (and apparently Captain Jack) when the Doctor is around...)

Regarding wearing motorcycle kit: Works for me at least twice a day - had loads of people stare *straight through me* for several seconds before proceding to drive into my path.

Fortunately I'm smarter than Wells' Invisible Man and keep a close watch on my surroundings...

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Think it'll be like this...

http://invisibility100.tripod.com/

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Recycled story

Perhaps Lester should become a b3ta.com reader as they posted a link to the ebay listing a full 5 days earlier than El Reg

http://www.b3ta.com/newsletter/issue293/

keep up at the back...

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Very Effective

After reading this, I was able to command my cat to use the bathroom toilet.

Little bastard still ignored me and shat in my slippers again, though.

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errm.

"You never know, in years to come, the a candlelit dinner for two might not be considered complete until the man produces a bunch of tropical arachnids and some crotchless panties for his lady friend."

LOL!.. the thing is most of my girlfriends freak if there is a tiny house spider somewhere within a 5 mile radius, thier reaction to a bunch of topical arachnids all in crotchless panites doesn't bare thinking about. What with all the running around in circles and the screaming.

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Anonymous Coward

this is old

Lester stop with the old invisiblity secret ebay seller already it's been around for a while I can't remember what the hell it is only that there are no invisible people around to demonstrate it's usefulness.

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The question is...

Quote: "there are no invisible people around to demonstrate it's usefulness"

But how would you *KNOW*?

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Homeless people know the secret of invisibility...

...but the sacrifice is to great for those of us that still have a roof over our heads.

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