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back to article The UK office: hotbed of net smut addiction

Any bosses among you who are wondering why your male employees' productivity has declined of late are directed to a highly suspect survey by moneysupermarket.com, which claims they're probably ogling some quality internet pornography rather than knuckling down to that mission-critical PowerPoint presentation. According to The …

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Rob
Bronze badge

I somehow don't believe it...

... why bother at work when you can do at it home uninterrupted (err.. so to speak).

Also what interest has moneysupermarket.com got in finding out where we prefer to whack off, at home or work.

I can waste my time at work more productively, e.g, like reading the Reg and annoying all the stupid comment makers.

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Where's the... oh wait

Never mind, there is actually an IT angle.

Umm, where's the Paris Hilton angle?

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This doesn't suprise me...

...I mean they have internet access at McDonalds now.

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We have...

a siren here at work on top of a pole thats goes off if anyone so much as types the word porn, oh crap its just gone off, gotta run...

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g e
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The SUN. Right

We all know what a reliable and high-integrity publication that is.

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But...

I've just read this at work...which means...my productivity has suffered...which according to Jason Lloyd means...my employer can accuse me of downloading porn.

Brilliant.

Well done.

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Pr0n...

...perhaps all those 'whacking' off at work are downloading smut from The Sun website ... maybe..??

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nonsense

in the age of web filters, firewalls at work and wi-fi laptops in bedrooms, are they really trying to pretend that the average employee spends their cubicle time knocking one out under the desk?

I have had to clear a lot of spyware ridden work machines up, which seemed filled with porn, but they were to a PC a laptop that had been taken home by a sales rep, rather than one from inside our office buildings

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Bollocks

Quote: ""over half the population (55 per cent)" spent an "average 172 hours" of their spare time extracting stuff from the net."

What, 172 hours a week? A month? A year? A lifetime?

As it is an attention-grabbing stunt by a price comparison site whose press release fooled some bone-idle hack at The Sun, it's almost certainly bollocks anyway.

If it weren't, though, how come none of the machines I fix /acquire /examine ever contain any porn? Or (apart from spyware and Firefox) any downloaded apps? True, I find the odd MP3 of Amy Bloody Winehouse or the Arctic Monkeys. I feel cheated!

*PS. I did find some smut on one second-user HDD bought in a job lot from a local vendor - naked Barbie and Ken dolls posed going at it. And, no; I wasn't aroused.

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Confused for a moment.

Now, I'm a canadian, so the term "wacking it" is in the vernacular.. but here I am reading a British publication and I see wacking.. it took me half the article to be sure you meant "wanking".. which surely is the proper british way to refer to it?

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Anonymous Coward

Smut at work

Well, I have first hand experience on this (no pun intended).

about 2 years ago, I was being sent as tech support for one of my then-employer's customers, to check out an outage of their internet access. The satlink diagnostics told me "blocked for excess upload", which meant that somebody had spyware/malware or was acting as a DoS-bot. And sure enough, by checking traffic there were a crapload of hits from one particular PC. After (phisically) finding the offending machine (it was in a separate area beneath the main office complex) I was going to run a basic virus scan when LO AND BEHOLD: the screensaver was on. And oooh what a smutty screensaver that was!

The second one was hilarious: some dude who had a win98 box at my previous job was complaining that his PC was way too slow. And I mean "You *** moron, why the f**k is my f**king PC not working as it should? Do your job right a***le!" kind of raging. Sure enough, 60% of his entire HD was full of porn, a collection that would make even some porn addicts envy this guy. So, being my last day at that job and all, I just left a note for everyone to see: "Your PC works better when you're not downloading PORN all the time!". I also said that to his co-workers (the dude wasn't there at the moment), loud and clear.

Remember, never mess with IT. We know everything you do. ;)

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Anonymous Coward

whacking

I think it whould be whacking it,

The noun whacking has one meaning:

Meaning #1: the act of inflicting corporal punishment with repeated blows

Synonyms: beating, thrashing, drubbing, lacing, trouncing

The adjective whacking has one meaning:

Meaning #1: (British informal) enormous

The adverb whacking has one meaning:

Meaning #1: extremely

Whacking something extremely enormous with repeated blows

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Ah the great moneysupermarket.com site

This is the great moneysupermarket.com site where my wife searched for a loan, and thought she was applying to Lloyds at a decent interest rate.

The next day the phone rang, Indian call center.

Hello, we're phoning you to discuss your loan application" It was only after about 5 minutes of talking that my wife realised she wasn't speaking with Lloyds at all but another company called UCC (Unsecured Credit Company). She told them she wasn't interested.

During the next 48hrs we received about 20 calls both to her mobile and to our house, people who in a lot of cases were simply rude. My daughter answered the phone while we were out.

Them: "Hello, can I speak to Mrs Joseph please?"

My 15yr old "Sorry she's not here at the moment"

Them: Put phone down without saying thanks/bye or anything.

Over the course of the next few days the calls still kept coming. Every time I answered I said I wasn't interested and asked them to stop calling. We went to moneysupermarket on the 23rd April. The calls keep coming. Friday 11th May there was an answer phone message left from `Welcome Finance`, the following monday I received yet another call from UCC overseas call centre asking to speak to my wife. Again I said we weren't interested and to stop calling us. 10 mins later I received another call from them, it went something like this.

Them "Can I speak to Mrs Joseph please"

Me" are you a financial company trying to get her to take out a loan"

Them "This is the Unsecured Credit Company, we have a special offer for Mrs Joseph"

Me, staying polite "I'm sorry but I've asked you to stop calling us, my wife isn't interested in a loan"

Them "This isn't a loan, it's a special offer from the Unsecured Credit Company"

Me "Sorry she's not interested, can you please stop calling us"

Them" We have a special offer from the Unsecured credit Company for Mrs Joseph"

Me "I've told you, she isn't interested in a loan"

Them ""This isn't a loan, it's a special offer from the Unsecured Credit Company"

Me "I'm going to stop talking now, could you please stop calling us"

Them "We will sort that out for you sir"

When my wife got home, she had one missed call on her mobile from, you've guessed it, UCC.

I sent moneysupermarket a complaint and they assured me it must have been Lloyds passing on the info. But we never got a refusal letter of any kind from Lloyds, and when I posted this in another forum, responses along the lines of

"i use them all the time for insurance and after the first time i learnt to put in a dummy number eg 077777777777 due to the calls i got it was horrendous"

confirmed my suspicions and I would never ever trust ANYTHING that company says.

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Suss-Spek

Wonder if the owners of an internet-related business are perhaps thinking of heading into the internet URL filtering industry.. or perhaps they are thinking of opening a new porn-at-work service..

hmm now what would be a good medium for getting around web filters, small and light enough to carry to the bathroom, has a proven capability for playing small movies and looking at pictures and an ability to download content from the internet..

Don't have access to a computer so I'll do a quick shufty on the 'net via the mobe to see if I can come up with a solution to this conundrum.

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Dissapointed

milfapocalypse.com doesn't exist, severly dissappointed, was looking forward to seeing vids of exploding MILFs, pft, 5 out of 10 for effort. Closest link according to MSN Live search was http://www.keshertalk.com/archives/2007/08/distracting_the.php, absolutely nothing to do with the subject matter at... ahem... hand.

Now that was a productive 15 minutes in the office.

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"Money Supermarket"

Such terrible abusers of third-party information handling. It's basically where they make their money from, although the agreements will be nicely hidden away somewhere when you use their site (or very carefully worded). I would advise people NEVER to apply for anything from "broker" sites like this but go direct to the company supplying the loan/insurance/whatever.

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J

Where's the...

Where's the iPhone angle! :-)

El Reg is late, must be the time zone sending you guys to the pub on a Wednesday afternoon... I just read in my favorite Brazilian news site that:

Nesse momento, donos de iPhones em todo os EUA devem estar xingando a Apple.

(Right now, iPhone owners all over the USA must be swearing at Apple.)

I'm gonna go find a tech site in my own time zone now. :O)

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J

Oh...

That was fast... I didn't even have to go find another tech site, dammit. A few minutes after my comment above, and The Register had the news there. Some poor chap working late, I suppose.

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Anonymous Coward

No one does this

I have worked all my adult life and I have never once smacked my monkey polished my knob or waxed the one eyed wonder worm at work nor have I observed anyone else doing so whether people have porn or not this is just not happening (actual sex yes wanking no).

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Bronze badge

Moneysupermarket dot com

Yet another case of publicity stunt dressed up as a serious press release about some supposedly important findings from some research that was supposed to have been carried out by someone somewhere.

Never mind all that - we need to fly to Barcelona - a shoon ash poshible!

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