Rentokil has announced it will deploy "James Bond-style technology" to battle the UK's burgeoning rat population - estimated by experts to have risen by 39 per cent in the past seven years and now totalling up to 100 million individuals. Exact details of the rat-busting tech are not noted, except a vague reference to "infrared …
They will have to do something!
In the back yard of a large local bakery the rats simply ignore the dozen or so baiting stations and head straight for the skips!
If there is one thing rats are not, it is stupid. They know exactly what to avoid.
Kenrick elaborated: "There is more rubbish on the street, discarded burger and kebab boxes, *****and bins are not collected as often.**** But there's also the weather. The milder winter means more wasps, rats, and mice are surviving, and with the wet weather mice are more likely to seek shelter in the home."
So those geniuses in local govt want to reduce frequency of collection and charge people for collecting. So whats the problem a few million more rats when people decide that they'd rather fly tip their kitchen waste than have it rotting in bins behind their house for a fortnight before being charged to have it taken away?
Perhaps we should just fit all the feral cats that seem to be filling Britain's streets with frikken laser beams and be done with the problem!
Who are you watching?
"...and laser-armed Rolex Oyster Perpetuals are just a matter of time, and indeed necessity"
Doesn't Bond always wear Omegas?
Our first line of defense
Should we take our cue from Blofeld and get white cats to combat this rodent menace
Rentokil Bond films...
"You Only Live Mice"
"From Russia with Gloves"
"The Man with the Golden Spraygun"
Perhaps if the damned council took all the rubbish away from peoples' homes there'd be less rats to go around.
I notice my council tax didn't decrease when they suddenly introduced those hateful bins and overnight were suddenly unable to remove the same amount of rubbish as the previous week using the same truck.
I've seen some of this kit....
A while ago I saw a high-tech Rentokil mousetrap, which detects the presence of the rodent entering when it breaks an infra-red beam, shuts the door behind it, gasses it using a small CO2 canister, then sends a radio signal to a local server, which sends a text message so someone can come get the body.
Apparently the gas is needed as otherwise they eat their way out.
"Do you expect me to ...
"No, Mouseter Bond. I expect you to die".
"Rolex Oyster perpetual"
Only in the wonderful, original, Casino Royale - that is, the spoof.
"Must be good for writing poison pen letters."
"All the new spies say that sir. I normally reply: I do not wish to know that, kindly leave MI5."
- Tricked by satire? Get all your news from Facebook? You're in luck, dummy
- Feature TV transport tech, part 1: From server to sofa at the touch of a button
- Google straps on Jetpac: An app to find hipsters, women in foreign cities
- Updated Microsoft Azure goes TITSUP (Total Inability To Support Usual Performance)
- The Return of BSOD: Does ANYONE trust Microsoft patches?