Staff at the Royal Infirmary of Edinburgh battled for an hour to disconnect the penis of Captain Dan The Demon Dwarf from a hoover after the diminutive Fringe performer inadvertantly superglued it to the vacuum cleaner's "attachment". According to the Evening Standard, the hoover forms part of Captain Dan's Circus Of Horrors …
what do you call that then?
only waited 20 seconds...
hmm sounds like a case of premature attachulation.
(I wish that was a real word)
.. as every schoolboy knows (ahem), you simply set the thing to Blow instead of Suck.
I hope he got his bag emptied while he was at it !
It was embarrassing in front of "a packed A&E", does that imply his stage show plays to a smaller audience than you find in casualty?
Or is dicking the Dyson somehow less cringeworthy in front of a paying crowd?
"... I just wished the ground could swallow me up."
A very poor turn of phrase!
Dyson should somehow work this into their "no loss of suction" advertising...
Who goes and sees this circus act?
Gives a whole new meaning to the words....
I thank you...
So his 'Henry' vacuum cleaner had a bigger than usual smile on his face that night.
The IT angle...?
Now if it was a Vax rather than a Hoover you might have a connection there.
Nothing sucks like a Vax.
The real image
Hi Ho, Hi Ho, off to A&E we go
And the IT angle is? Oh, who cares! Well done Lester...
@ James Pickett
The hoover runs on electricity, therefore clearly falls within the realm of technology reporting, not to mention that superglue is pretty fancy stuff as well, the dwarf can be seen as an incidental but welcome addition.
What a Midget Gem of a story!
Why didn't he use a PVA glue? Penis Vacuum Adhesive.
how to get cheap publicity for a failing show
the lengths (or lack of them) that fringe performers will go to to get some free publicity. Given the reviews the publicity is badly needed...
I found the Circus of Horrors was trivial. Apart from the nudity and late hour it should have been a children's show. I walked out at the interval.
Over-hyped and marketed. Crass, poorly executed and I felt just plain embarrassed for some of the performers. Walked out just over halfway through. Total waste of money.
The girl smoking in the front row seems to be a built in gag. When a show entitled "Circus of Horros" has to resort to getting a laugh out of the smoking ban, you know its not up to much.
This is a Circus of Horrors only if your idea of freaks is people in skeleton costumes doing a dance to music that wouldn't have looked out of place on the Tweenies. There was a problem with the sound too, no idea what the ringleader was saying. Further freaks included someone getting a nail hammered through what was obviously a tongue piercing, and someone walking on knives that were sharp enough to cut a cucumber, which isn't very sharp. The fact they closed the entrance gates at half time so we and the other people had to sneak out through the thai resturant kind of says it all. We've been looking forward to this for ages and were really disappointed.
do the Shake-n-Vac..
..and put your manhood back!
No wonder the Shake-n-Vac woman always looks so happy! (and all these years I though it was valium...)
Good job it wasn't a Ewbank, can you imagine the damage the brushes would have done!
(incidentally I bet he didn't get a bad review from the Scotsman.)
Why is this in the Entertainment section? Surely we're talking hardware here.
How does "20 mins" make a difference..
to a glue that reaches full strength in 10 seconds? And if he's done this so many times before, then surely he knew how to apply it properly.. He just wanted a pretty Scottish nurse to fiddle with his privates! Hope he got an ogre instead.. or worse.. A male nurse!
Brings a new meaning to getting hard! Ouch! :-)
Attempting a vaguely technical angle on this...
From what I understand, super glue is water soluble, just add water and wait for separation. And having glued fingers together with the stuff (or just stuff onto fingers) on many an occasion, just waiting is all that is required.
one of you needs to learn to read
Jon the vacuum attachment was broken he tried to fix it there was still some wet glue there he normally wouldn't be using superglue at all you see because normally it's not broken. No super glue is not water soluble white glue is but thats a different product superglue is soluble in acetone and didn't you guys outlaw acetone (poor dwarf) if he had time he could wait till the skin cells sloughed off the glue was attached to but that might have taken a while.Why would you A. go see some fruitcake performance like that B. tell everyone who reads this tabloid that you go to performances like that and that this one sucked (shakes head). The merriment of some poor dwarf trying to make money in some fringe way getting his spout stuck in a prop is understandable only if you are slightly sadistic and dickless yourself.
Acetone would work, and no it isn't outlawed
And while your getting on your high horse about laughing at the guy, he chose to do this act, he could have got a job somewhere else, but no that's what he wanted to do to earn his corn.
Bet his mum is dead proud.
"Bet his mum is dead proud"
Possibly not at this precise moment.
was it a hoover
Was it really a hoover or was it a vacuum cleaner from another manufacturer? Calling any vacuum cleaner a hoover is a mindless as calling any car a ford!
Don't think so
"Surely we're talking hardware here."
After an hour stuck to a hoover we surely aren't...
Sorry. Had to be said...
Depending on how successful the procedure was
I bet he feels a bit of a prick :)
Be careful out there
My urologist's doctoral thesis from 1978 had the title "Penis injuries from masturbating with vacuum cleaners". It's archived here (in German, but the pictures are pretty scary):
- +Comment Anti-Facebook Ello: Here's why we're still in beta. SPAMGASM!
- Vid+Pics Microsoft unwraps WINDOWS 10: Seven ate Nine. Or 8 did, anyway
- NASA rover Curiosity drills HOLE in MARS 'GOLF COURSE'
- WHY did Sunday Mirror stoop to slurping selfies for smut sting?
- Business is back, baby! Hasta la VISTA, Win 8... Oh, yeah, Windows 9