back to article Masturbating lag cops 60 days' extra porridge

A Miami lag who decided to crack one off without hiding his modesty beneath a blanket was sentenced to 60 days' extra porridge on an indecent exposure rap, the Miami Herald reports. Terry Lee Alexander, 20, was caught on camera by a female Broward Sheriff's detention deputy who saw him indulging in an uninhibited five-knuckle …

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Why do we take the piss out of Americans again?

It seems that the US can't help but give us examples of their prudish, puritanical mindset. Wouldn't someone signing up to become a guard in a prison containing male inmates expect this kind of behaviour and, more importantly, why did she have to look at the offending area of the screen which, if the CCTV I've seen is anything to go by, will be a very small area anyway?

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and what else?

do you think she would bring them up on charges for farting, swearing and hitting eachother too?

this is a tad ridiculous isnt it? i wonder how much money it cost to take these guys to trial over wanking.

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'chokey'

You had to, didn't you?

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Poor Little Girl

What if an inmate steps up to the toilet to take a leak and she decides he was too vigorous in shaking off the last drop?

Anyway who was he hurting? Couldn't she just look away for a minute?

If this delicate flower of a deputy is too sensitive to be exposed to such behavior she needs a new career.

Next thing you know she'll be exposed to spitting or even cursing.

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Anonymous Coward

I'm sure there are 101 similar comments waiting for approval but...

Where's the IT angle? Or are you saying all techies are wankers?

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Anonymous Coward

Slightly disappointed

...that you didn't mange to work in a "chokey for choking the chicken" gag. Seemed like an, er, natural.

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Well done on the IT angle

Brilliant use of "glass-enclosed master control room" to pretend there's an IT angle - keep up the good work - especially these dolphin polishing stories

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Anonymous Coward

Ten years

So if I understand correctly, the poor guy is going to have to spend ten years without having a Barclays.

The mind boggles... not to mention the testicles.

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Anonymous Coward

Hold on a moment...

If I'm reading this right, he was given extra jail time for indulging in a little stress relief in his own cell, with noone around. He didn't deliberately expose himself, he simply failed to hide (when there was noone around to see him).

'Coryus Veal told a court this week that Alexander "did not try to hide what he was doing as most prisoners do".'

Yet seven others were also charged... Do they really need cameras in every cell? That seems overly intrusive in my book. The inmates seriously have no expectation of privacy? Have they cameras in the bathroom, and if so, why don't they charge the inmates for indecent exposure there?

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Rob
Bronze badge

Don't quite understand...

.... did she sit there and wait for him to finish (in which case she should be done for voyeurism) and if she sat that watching him do it but it was against the law, could she have not pressed the tanoy button and announced that prisoner x should stop exercising in his cell (or put on a husky voice, talk dirty and get him there faster).

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Re:Or are you saying all techies are wankers?

98% of males admit to it, 2% lie about it! Who cares about the IT angle, it was funny!

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Anonymous Coward

Can we get any more infantile?

Hang on a second: in prison you get violence, drugs, sexual assault, rape, brutality and all the rest of it and we're worried that a guy has a wank? I think all men like having a J Arthur now and then and given that no one was hurt other than the silly girl watching via CCTV (who needs a much more grown up view of what sexually deprived men get up to) where was the public interest in prosecution?

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Criminals

So he was wanking, didnt you know that all criminals are wankers, I thought it was common knowledge

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Anonymous Coward

Clearly, she is not suitable for the job.

After all, can you imagine the outcry if it was a male prison guard spying on a female inmate masturbating?

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Anonymous Coward

Dump please?

If she realised what he was doing, why not move onto checking another inmate.

Do you have to ask the screw not to look while you take a dump or fart?

Only in America !!!

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Or should I say!

Who gives a Toss!

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Rob
Bronze badge

reality of that remark

"After all, can you imagine the outcry if it was a male prison guard spying on a female inmate masturbating?"

Sorry it just wouldn't happen, the aforementioned male guard would make sure no-one was around and beat one off himself, not mention it to anyone and next time make sure the VCR is ready to go at a moments notice.

A month later = Jailbirds.com

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Suitable area required

Perhaps the inmates should be provided with a suitable area or trailer for whacking off. For good behaviour you can go and have a Sherman in the masturbatorium. I would suggest the shower but that's aready the buggery/stabbing room. Both of which are clearly more acceptable in the eyes of the screws.

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Anonymous Coward

Kinda obvious...

The 7 prisoners were probably putting on a show for the guard. She'd be about as close as many of them would get to a real woman for a long time.

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Depends?

Cells are often motored by (male) guards on rounds in prisons over here through the night. If they catch you wanking they just call you a dirty £*$&er and move on. All blokes know we do it and it’s a none issue.

I am just not sure it's appropriate for a female to be monitoring male inmates.

I guess it depends if he/they knew she was on duty and would be keeping an eye on there cells.

It's asking for trouble cracking one off when you know a female screw is watching.

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Anonymous Coward

It's a jargon error!

Look, he's just an end user. He had not quite worked out that cells are to be used handsfree so he naturally ended up doing a George Michael..

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Sex offender

Okay, here's the good news for him. I think indecent exposure gets you labeled as a sex offender, which leads to mandatory registration and eventually living under a bridge because the requirements are so strict that some men can't find a real place to live.

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Murdoch?

So, one op-ed piece about American politics, one piece about a psychic pussy and one piece about a jail-bound J. Arthur.

Trying to make yourself a takeover target for Rupert?

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Ok but...

'prudish, puritanical mindset'

You have obviously never been to an American college campus. I see all these brits complaining about our prudish behavior but then all British men here in my town refuse to leave as 'The chicks are just so damn easy'.

A point that I cannot refute.

Plus American women will do things to you that would make a British broad puke in disgust. But hey, we're open minded like that.

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Small typo needs correcting...

isn't it meant to be "limited access pubic place"? :)

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Puritans

Re: Cameron Colley

Just be glad that England kicked the Puritans out. 200+ years later and America is still held by their moral standards.

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Anonymous Coward

ironic

Ironically if he did cover up he would be acting suspiciously and would be charged for contempt to commit a crime. After all, "if you aren't guilty, what have you got to hide?"

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The main vein

His one eyed trouser snake was obscured with a blanket so there was no exposure. She was not forced to look at it by him. If it was a requirement of her job that she watch men slap their salami then she clearly has an occupational health and safety issue with her employer. I would suggest that as the gentleman was perfectly within his rights to twiddle with his own joystick under his blanket and the slag screw should be prosecuted for her unlawful voyeurism.

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If it's such a problem...

...why not just have a designated room? I suggest calling it a 'Masturbatory'. Maybe in the UK you guys could call it 'the moo'.

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Anonymous Coward

Where was this?

Was this a US jail or a house in Elstree?

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Anonymous Coward

puritanical stupidity

If he was covered then how can they prove that what he was up to was indecent?

It could be construed that the female officer was taking a leap of

faith that detainee was playing with himself. Thus the question of

viability of the prosecutions attack against the detainee is called

into question. It could have been a bad itch.... that needed sorting

so as to be able to think straight or sleep. If they want to do this job

properly then women watch women & men watch men. This way you avoid these silly waists of public money by bringing the new offence

in front of a court/board.

After all is having a wank illegal? After all how many of us would be guilty of this as a crime if it were illegal? Sounds like the female

officer needs to go back to the school of life.

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What about public urination

Since a jail cell is a public place, can't an inmate get charged for urinating/defacating in public as well? Maybe loitering too?

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oh dear

Simon Painter, puritanical stupidity:

Try reading the article? It's kinda what they're there for you know.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Ben Ruset

What moral standards? I have not seen any evidence of America's morality for a long time.

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Anonymous Coward

@Will Leamon

"all British men here in my town refuse to leave as 'The chicks are just so damn easy'."

I'm visiting the US in a couple of months.

Which town was that?

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Joe

@Will Leamon (too)

Yes, Will, do tell - perhaps a visit to your town would be worth giving my biometrics to your government!

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Re Which town was that?

<"all British men here in my town refuse to leave as 'The chicks are just so damn easy'."

I'm visiting the US in a couple of months.

Which town was that?>

Anytown, USA

:-)

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American Puritans

Speaking of American Puritanism, it's pretty common compared to Britain, I'd think. A few years ago, Peyton Manning (our latest Super Bowl champion) decided to moon a fellow player in his college locker room. At that moment, a female staff member happened to walk by, and say Peyton's ass. Never mind that it was probably the healthiest ass she'd ever have the privilege to see, she raised 7 kinds of hell and all sorts of brouhaha was raised at the school, in the athletic department, and in the press. So, this prison incident is not all that surprising - sad and pathetic, yes, surprising, no.

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role reversal

what would have happened if the roles had been reversed? A male guard watching a female inmate bashing the beaver? Would he have complained? And if he had, would anyone take the complaint seriously? Would the woman have got 60 days for pushing the pussy? I think not! This chap probably has a valid claim for sexual discrimination.

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