One more for the list...

Chicken Licken

Turkey Lurkey

and now...

Cocky Locky

Chill out, man!

Surely a suitable placed block of ice would have reduced the proportion of the problem to something more manageable!

Now I know where....

....the phrase "To get a Chubby" comes from .

News of the Weird

This will be making News of the Weird by the end of next month.

Cocky Locky. I like it.

Perhaps he likes firemen...

Well they did unlock his manhood using a hydraulic chopper. Who says it was accidental in the first place?

Darwin

A perfect case of Darwinism. This man appears to have removed his genes from the gene pool without requiring his death. As a clear case of genes the human species does not require, this is to be congratulated. Even if his tackle was technically working, I suspect the chances of him being able to pass his genes on were small given the circumstances.

Intrigue indeed…

Somebody must have it in for this guy and it must be for a good reason. My logic goes as follows.

1) Locking your own in a padlock is not what most of us considered sensible, even when drunk.

2) Locking it in a padlock which is just the right size, between the lock being large enough to allow escape and too small to lock shut.

3) Then there is the superglue in the lock.

This all leaves me with the conclusion that somebody must have done it to him.

Who ever did this to him, must have premeditated the action by selecting a suitable padlock (implies knowledge of the size of lock needed), then opening it and once its open filling the lock with superglue thus ensuring maximum humiliation when they have to seek help to get it removed. As if your member is stuck in a lock you are hardly going to allow somebody to approach with superglue.

As they haven’t busted the locker of the padlock for there action it suggests that Mr locked cock has done them great wrong he doesn’t want anybody to know, even more than he didn’t want to have to show his manhood to the fire department..

What does this have to do with IT?

If I wanted to read this sort of shit, I'd look at Reuters "Oddly Enough" or one of the many other "alternative" news sites.

Get a grip, El Reg, you're supposed to be an IT news site.

What does this have to do with IT?

Not another one...

It's got absolutely nothing to do with IT you miserable old fart so why don't you just go away and read Reuters "Oddly Enough" or one of the many other "alternative" news sites and leave us alone....

google doesn't have a lock on key adword adverts

Have to admit ... the, erm, impact of the Sun advertisement, showing a padlock SLAMMING shut ... got my attention!

About IT

Actually Mr. Haines contributions are one of my favorite readings when browsing the Reg.

So why don't you go and have a look at "Conservapedia", which may be more to your liking, Mr. Sourhead.

doh!

to his missus,

"oh you said wedlock!"

doh!

SSL - there's your tech link.

I guess he was surfing for Internet pron and wanted to make sure he had protection.

SSL?

well it was certainly a secure socket, dunno if he was able to lay eany birds tho :P

Let me see

He clicks on a link that clearly states "SEX" in the title, and he's ranting about not seeing an IT angle ? What was he expecting, a bluetooth-enabled vibrator ?

Really, some people urgently need a sense of humor.

Maybe he misunderstood what "protection" meant?

Especially when there are people like this around...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/merseyside/4253849.stm

Thanks Matt

I think I'm gonna have nightmares after reading that link to the BBC story.

Aww.

Yea Matt, How did you remember that BBC story from so long ago?

Well, Come to think of it, That will stay with me to my grave.

Please provide billing details for my therapist!