back to article Hello, Apple PR. Dr. Freud will see you now

I was humiliated recently after purchasing a new Apple notebook. My novelist wife needed a fresh machine to replace her aging iBook. Solid application response times and a smooth web experience will no doubt help her craft a bestseller. In addition, she's not dealing well with the cancellation of Veronica Mars and spent the …

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Waaaaah!

This article is unintentionally funny. I'm sure it will be picked up by lots of blogs and ridiculed all over the web.

Your wife bought a laptop. So did a few million other people. Yet they don't all insist that they should get an invitation to a limited-attendance press event. You do. And apparently you can't take no for an answer.

So, you start insulting everyone at Apple, and (by now seething with hatred) ludicrously predict that if Apple keeps snubbing you, they will go out of business.

Next time, maybe you should count to ten before you write something this hostile, inane and childish. This is pretty bad PR for the Reg.

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Anonymous Coward

Ashlee the Angry Flower!

That was some angry rant that really went nowhere. Still, keep it up. :-)

Or, as Freud would say "This is interesting. Please go on."

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Anonymous Coward

iBook, uBook, weBook

"My novelist wife needed a fresh machine to replace her aging iBook" etc

It's notable that the "most helpful" Amazon reader review of this book is by "A. Vance", and does not give an inkling of this relationship. Perhaps back in February, when the review was written, you were not married.

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Shame

Shame, if they'd said yes then you could of hung around with all the developers that Jobs managed to insult by telling them that they could develop software for the iphone, just so long as their software is a webpage. I expected people to boo when he said that, but clearly I have a lot to learn about the culture of apple worship.

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(Written by Reg staff)

On Pain and Wives

Andras. I think you've missed the point. I'm showing honest concern for the mental health of Apple's PR staff. Nothing more.

To the other Ashley. I despised my wife in February.

AV

www.theduckrabbit.com

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Zealots and Comments

Entertaining as ever Ashlee. I'd sympathise with you for the utter failure of commenters to comprehend an article that manages, with some elegance, to: point out Apple's PR failings; defend El Reg's editorial independence (and refusal to play suck up, especially if there's a chance for a cheap shot); and explain your fairly muted coverage of WWDC (compared to both other outlets, and Reg coverage of other Vendor events). All whilst covering your back against wingnut zealot attacks with plenty of self-deprecation.

But sadly, there's no accounting for the general stupidity of people.

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Sod the story...

I do believe that this is the very posting that puts the question of Ashlee's gender to rest.

I shall now miss pondering whether these postings were written by a menstrating angry female or a bloke with a grudge.

Ah well.

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Only Connoisseurs know Real Jewels...

Its no wonder that "apes" don't treat da Register nicely as, Only Connoisseurs would know Real Jewels( da Reg)...

And since when "apes" started making better Notebooks/Desktops...'coz otherwise they wouldn't need to rely on Negative Adverts(against MS-PC) to sell their LpTp/ DTops or is it becoz after all these ipod/iphone hype n all they still have 4 to 5% marketshare for notebook/desktop...???

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Coherence please?

Would somebody be so kind as to explain what Jags has to say? As far as I can gather it is in the same language as these "apes" he is talking about.

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if you have to ask...

If you have to ask...you wouldn't get it...

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Well done, Ashle(e) (Vance) !

I could have done without your shameless self-serving ad for your wife's publication, but for the rest I am with you.

Apple's is rather the behaviour of a dictator who feels hurt. Only, those can throw you into jail without trial. Apple PR is restricted to purposely exclude El Reg from any publicity campaign. About which you can read later on and be informed by some of your colleagues. Childish, in any case, what they do.

At times I wonder if we / the world were really better off with Apple having a market share of > 90% and Microsoft hoovering around 2-3%.

Though, I wonder how relevant it was, actually, to point to Steve Jobs's articulation problems. We all have our small little weaknesses. Remember David Letterman poking fun at GWB for his seemingly lacking ability to somehow get the work 'nuclear' out of his mouth ?

To Apple's PR department: Next time, when deciding on the name of another release of OSX, make sure to get it past the 'Steve Jobs Test' before taking the final decision.

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Anonymous Coward

OK, I'm asking Jags

I prefer the more intelectual stimulation of good prose, rather than what looks to be a series of simian grunts translated into text...what did your last licence of Naturallyspeaking die of, by the way?

Back to the article: Maybe Apple's adhering to the "Treat them mean, keep them keen" idiology?

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Apple's Loss

If Apple had given him credentials, no doubt he would have written a flowery piece about how Apple found the right balance in allowing developers to run apps on iPhone through Safari and how all the developers are happy that they won't shut down the entire west coast network and all that!

Notice that AAPL is down $5 of not giving El Reg a free pass to WWDC. Not a good move.

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Hacks

You see why you shouldn't piss them off .. they have a public space to post their rants, and Ashlee does a loverly rant.

Keep taking the medications, and keep sticking it to the PR drones, only department worse than marketing is HR.

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Anonymous Coward

Don't bite the hand

You bit the hand, didn't you. You silly Register you.

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Shiny

Ashlee's a girls name. Like Jane.

Good article. Don't let the ironically-challenged put you off.

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oh the humility

Ashley didn't get what he wants?

:-)

actually, I didn't think of you as a developer - maybe I'm wrong and deep down you love the itty bitty bits, bytes and bobs that geeky types spend their day assembling so mortal morons like me can sit in comfort and type sarky posts on websites (on my apple macbookpro)

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hi Ashlee Vance!

Its not just you Ashlee & its not just at apple u find ape PR

It sounds that ape PR is well spreaded outside ape PR...

And on a related note I've a Q for you (Ashlee/da reg)...there was a post about potential change in "theregister" domain name, .com or .co.uk

is it, by any chance, gonna be "theappleRegister"...OR its ALREADY that & I'm missing the silent "apple" part...

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Anonymous Coward

Land Crab

"To the other Ashley. I despised my wife in February."

It stuck out like a sore thumb - the only other Vances that sprung to mind were Cyrus Vance and Tommy Vance. But they are dead.

Bagger Vance, that's another one.

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Beyond PR

The PR droids are the least of the problem. When a company becomes sufficiently obsessed with image to start excluding its critics, it rarely bodes well for the technical quality of its products.

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Steve Jobs

He can't speak properly can he I remember him trying to say toshiba and hewlett packard but then he is an american.

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Bronze badge

Re: Don't bite the hand

Not all vultures feed off dead meat!

More to the point, after shelling out a vast sum of dollars on a new piece of hardware, being a Mac fan, and a journalist working for a major IT info website, not only not being invited to a Mac expo, but completly ignoring you is not really on. It goes to show that the huggy feely types from 1 Infinite Loop also have an inferiority complex.

Freud would have also said that "Zis vould haff to pe apout ze reprezzed zexual dezires und zat Apfel ist not gettingk any. Ja".

Cheers,

Daniel

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Anyone taking bettings.

I'm laying down good money that Ashlee's wifes first opus with be Veronica Mars fanfic...

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Anonymous Coward

Stop moaning. Think you're special?

Good grief. Stop with the frickin' moaning. I've bought an iMac, PowerBook and MacBook ... but did I think I'd get a special invite to Apple's WorldWide Developers Conference. No, 'cos I'm not a Developer. Just because you work for some internet press-thingy, do you think you're special? How do you walk around with a head quite that large? No wonder people think the press is full of nonces.

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Anonymous Coward

What's the point?

I dont see a reason why you should be annoyed over this issue. Moreover, by making fun of Steve Jobs articulation problems, I would say you are getting personal. In my opinion this is an article written in pure rage and frustration. You can probably show your displeasure by not buying Apple products. That will hurt them more than your articles.

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Anonymous Coward

Cry Baby

The author appears to be a spoiled, jingoistic cry-baby. Why do you have to "like" the company you buy a computer from anyway? This poorly written rant is not worthy of El Reg and I suspect any WWDC reports emanating from this hack would hardly be worth reading.

Ashlee, go buy a Toshiba and let your wife buy the computer SHE likes - I feel sure that she can cope without your help.

R.

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Missing the point

Anyone who thinks Ashlee is whining and shouldn't be invited because he is not a developer is missing the point. Ashlee may not be a developer, but like his article said (if anyone bothered to read it) he is a JOURNALIST. A journalist for a very large audience at that (how many unique hits a day does the reg get?). More journalists = more attention/hype and you can never have enough of that especially before a big product launch. I think apple or steve jobs is just afraid of being made fun of and personally I think the register should fight fire with fire and either boycott the next apple press conference, stop writing about apple or specifically the iPhone all together or (my personal favorite) sneak in to the developers conference and go from there, maybe trying to catch Steve-o somewhere for a personal interview about why he has black listed elreg!

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Hacks

I get constantly irritated by journalists demanding invites and free stuff. I work in entertainment and always have a strictly limited number of press invites. Journalists not invited immediately assume they're being snubbed, but you have to realise that there is a pecking order and you might not be top of it - website-based news might be increasingly important, but the realistic reader/viewer numbers are still nothing like as big as newspapers and TV.

Humiliated, indeed - If you start giving bad press purely based on the way you are treated as a journalist and nothing to do with the company's product, that is the worst possible strain of journalism.

Just because you don't get a free invite to an event, don't start throwing your toys around.

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Oh Dear

Apart from so many apple fanboys being unable to type (or are they emulating Mr Jobs speech issues)

Perhaps Mr/Ms "Stop Moaning. Think you are special?" thought they where logging on to yet another apple fan site.

Hmmm, I bought a mac and want an invite to the Developers Conf, I don't think so.

Like it or not TheReg is a pretty major IT news outlet. Believe it or not the press are invited Dev Conferences. The press also publish reports that are not always complementry.

Quite frankly any company that uses a presenter that has speech issues may notice some comments being passed in the press. Certainly Bill Gates survived Jonathan Ross making comments regarding haircuts at one of the windows launches.

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Anonymous Coward

Dasein of da times

On the other week I saw a young man (early 20s), get onto the bus with his copy of _Being and Time_. It may have been fine for his mental health, but his attitude appeared to be surly. Does Steve Jobs need more of that? Perhaps a light-hearted mystery set in London...

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the comments are funnier than the article

Reading through the comments above it is quite amusing that some people (apparently non-mac fanboys) found the article quite amusing and quite telling of a modern coporation. On the other hand there seems to be the run-of-the-mill attack on the writer for even considering to criticise god, sorry Steve jobs.

It is even more amusing that most people just aren't biting, i guess we have all heard plenty from people who would have nothing bad said against apple. I guess apple are not that bad on the whole, but this situation is bad PR in anyones book, apple like anyone else CAN make silly judgements, get over it, saying so is NOT blasphemy!

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Anonymous Coward

sad rant

Let me say that I now fully understand why Apple has blacklisted El Reg. With this sort of childish writing no wonder highly respected companies will not have much regards for you.

You've “digged” your own grave with this rant. You’ve shown most readers that you deserve every humiliation someone can get.

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You expect him to let you make fun of his linguistic abilities?

Man look at what Saint Jobs did to his biological sister after she in a quasi-fictional novel suggested that the Saint was actually human. I don't believe they talk anymore.

His Jobsness is exhibiting definite signs of abnormal development due to adoption. A lot of study on this was done by Anna Freud. Children (Jobs) will tend to obsessively suck their thumbs, rock, knock their heads, and display other obsessive behaviors in order to draw attention to themselves when they have no or poor attatchment to their mother (Biological or otherwise). Most of his turtleneck wearing, hack beating, Gates bashing tantrums are a result of him wanting to draw attention to himself. Who would have thought that his own psychological issues would make him a perfect candidate for CEO of a company on the downturn (pre-iPod). He should consider moving to HP and stirring things up there a bit, maybe get them a little attention.

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Apple's PR

Ashlee, no worries at all. i have had dealings with Apple's US PR department in the past. I spent days emailing, calling and asking them for participation in a conference I was arranging. usual stuff...send a developer to speak, run a workshop, loan us some Macs to run stuff on, etc. I got no response from anyone I spoke to at all. On the whole they gave the impression by their total lack of response of being too damn important to communicate with anyone who was not employed by a Forbes 100 company.

I gave up on them until about 6 weeks from the conference start (and everything was set) when I was talking to a friend and this came up. "Oh, I have a really great contact at Apple. They love our company." BOOM! I was called within about 2 hours asking how they could participate.

*best Harry Enfield voice* "Apple! Too late! Too late I say!"

To be honest I have found the same from most large corporates I dealt with in the US such as Nintendo, SEGA, etc. If you were not passed onto them by a golfing of WoW buddy, forget it.

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Keep it up El Reg!

And by extension Ashley. You guys always seem to keep a relatively neutral (or perhaps unbiasedly dismal) view of vendors. Open, transparent impartiality is the most valuable quality of a newspaper, and you my friends seem to have it.

Keep up the good work.

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Anonymous Coward

you're not alone, ashlee

they treat all tech journos the same. if you're not writing for the NY Times or the WSJ or BusinessWeek, you're shite. So don't take it personally.

But... InfoWorld is a "pamphleteer"? exsqueeze me? I'm not even sure what you're driving at.

cheers,

RxC

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Anonymous Coward

Apple bashing

Seems to have more comments then any other news article. Apple bashing is in! If you have a article with the word Apple in it ... you mouse moves to it, even if you don't want it to.

On the case of not getting a invite: ah well. Thats the way Apple works. They got one long memory (even if it seems like they have a memory hole). And what did you miss? There was not one bit of cool info out of that keynote. Rehash and same basic crap (= look how much we have sold and how great we are). You weren't invited, I hope you did something productive with the time you gained :-D

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our WWDC coverage shows your sour gripes rather then journalism

Although on most topics I've found El Reg's witty style amusing, I've also felt that when it comes to matters regarding Apple or Mac OS X, you do not give a fair story. Your coverage of WWDC this week clearly demonstrates that you are willing to let sour gripes dictate editorial policy, and in my eyes at least, you've lowered both my interest and respect for this hack...

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Cancel the Mac

Cancel the Mac, get a (cheaper) Windows based laptop and stick Linux on it, at least the rabid Linux crowd (in Roman times, we used to chuck Mac users and Linux users into the Ampitheather in Caerleon, the fights were great but really annoyed the Christians) will invite you to a Linux expo next week!

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Anonymous Coward

Let's deal with the important issue here

Ashlee's wife has my complete sympathy about Veronica Mars (although I'm just watching season 3 on Trouble). I hope the posting was cthartic; I'm not sure it says much about the PR lines of *any* IT company that wasn't already known. I doubt having a public hissy fit about it will encourage them to reconsider next time. You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar, and all that. Why not register as a developer and get the inside story instead?

Colin - and Paris is a boy's name (I've yet to decide whether the Hilton parents were trying to say "we read Homer, but not very well" or "we wanted a boy"). It doesn't appear to matter these days, even though I don't know, or care, what Ashlee's gender is.

Not that I'm against a good public rant, of course.

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a fine english whine

sheeeeezus. want a little more 'whine' with that?

i don't know if someone broke this down for you, but wwdc stands for World Wide DEVELOPERS' Conference. last we looked, you're not a developer, just press. apple's p.r. probably has just so many reserved passes for press. rather than think they were even paying attention to your carping snipe about how we yanks pronounce 'jaguar' differently from you brits (gee, are you going to give an entire company's product line the big roman emperor's thumbs down because we don't say 'al-yooo-min-eee-yum' or 'ssschhed-yule' also?), they probably didn't even notice it, or cared. they needed to dole out the press passes to those they felt would have the most impact for what was being announced and covered. and sorry, you didn't make the cut. no matter how many macs and ipods you've bought over the years.

yes, micro-squish and intel continue to try and make you feel like the pretty girl at the high school prom no matter how you snub them like the mean girl you are, because the register is known for mainly covering virus and computer security issues, most of which do not apply to mac os x or apple hardware (that is, until a couple not-in-the-wild exploits found in the last year, that never caused any real world problems and were immediately patched by apple). so no matter how much of legend you are in your own mind, publications like 'infoworld' and the like have the audience and demographic apple needs to speak to for this conference, and you... well, don't.

and your wife was all a-flutter over 'veronica mars' being given the boot??? sheesh. so much for the myth about you brits having better taste than us. if it had been something half decent like 'heroes,' 'lost' or the new 'battlestar galactica,' which has actual very good brit actors in it, i might have garnered some sympathy for you two.

oh, and ashlee is a freakin' girl's name. you git.

oh, and fake steve thinks yer a git too — http://fakesteve.blogspot.com/2007/06/dear-ashlee-vance-bite-me.html

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Oh yeah---

Ever try to scrape donations for (fairly large) nonprofits out of them? I got the most enthusiastic PR droid on the phone one day, who was just *delighted* at the prospect of giving our little volunteer radio station a macbook to raffle off as a fund raiser... The woman thought it was a WONDERFUL idea, and that Apple LOVED HELPING CHARITY. She (with heightening enthusiasm) spoke with me for nearly twenty minutes, determining what type of computer we needed, what software we wanted.

And then she gave me another number, for "Community Outreach."

It was a fucking tape machine that said, "Thank you for your interest, but we don't give kit away to anyone. Get bent."

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Now this is getting annoying

The article is by and about a sore loser who can't take rejection.

I've been in love, and I've been rejected, and it hurts. It takes a real man to admit that yes, she is still beautiful. No, she's not a bitch. And yes, she did have her reasons. And no, she's not insane. She definitely doesn't need psychoanalysis. You might, though. And absolutely, positively, forget about her ever coming back to you crying.

Anyone who thinks that Apple needs The Register more than The Register needs Apple is a loonie.

Apple is one of the top brands in the world, a company whose products get rave reviews from the biggest and most respected international mainstream press magazines, a company whose sales expand at an incredible rate. The Register is an online tech rag. If The Register disappeared overnight, few would notice, and fewer would care. Harsh words, I know.

But really, who needs childish rants like these? Irony and sarcasm aside. This is precisely the type of pointless, egocentric "journalism" that annoys the hell out of everyone. The postman snubbed me! The waiter was rude! My car mechanic is a liar! OK, live with it. Don't take revenge by writing a thoroughly dull and ridiculous rant. There are no valid points, really, and the so-called (self-)irony, if real, is lost in the sore loser attitude.

Oh, and geez, take the most secretive company in the world, the one that insanely micromanages its own communication and media appearances, the one whose spokespeople only talk on their own terms... and pretend to be surprised when they decline to elaborate on the reason for the rejection.

Stop the presses! Apple PR fails to provide personalized commentary to web mag!

What next? Apple failing to discuss future products?!

I get it, it hurts not even to be told why she doesn't love you. Is it the love handles? Is it the pimples? Is it your physique? Lack of sense of humour? Lack of self-esteem? At least she could tell you, right?

Nonsense. She doesn't want you to have more issues than you already have.

Oh, I'm sure you're okay, and you're genuinely worried about the mental health of Apple's PR people. I'm sure you're not ranting and not angry in the least. This was all just irony, you know.

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Its always suprised me

Its always suprised me that El Reg's tone on Microsoft for example, is so negative (well, it is, even if it is a representative tone of the people in IT industry at large seems to have) yet their ads are all over the place (often in the same articles slamming them).

I find it now, more suprising, considering El Regs recent tone toward apple that they're frozen out...

For those who dont understand the issue here, its not that Ashlee wanted to go, its that one of the biggest tech sites on the interweb isnt allowed in

But Apple are well known for their hissy fits, oh wait, better be carefull what I say or I might get locked out of my mac...

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Ashlee is British?!?

"and your wife was all a-flutter over 'veronica mars' being given the boot??? sheesh. so much for the myth about you brits having better taste than us. if it had been something half decent like 'heroes,' 'lost' or the new 'battlestar galactica,' which has actual very good brit actors in it, i might have garnered some sympathy for you two."

Good grief, so pointing to your Americanism, paying in $ and living in the US in your article is a disguse to the fact your actually British Ashlee?!?

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Just pay your $1500 and sign the NDA like everyone else

Or watch the keynote (the only non NDA part) on Apple's web site, and share with us your pearls of wisdom.

WWDC is not a press event. It may be appropriate to write about Apple around this time, but the 1.5 hour keynote is the only content you can write about.

There are many who think Apple gets far more media attention than it deserves, so maybe Apple tried to do the right thing in turning you away. But you just couldn't help yourself, and wrote something anyway!

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(Written by Reg staff)

Re. just pay your $1500...

WWDC is not a press event? So why does Apple let all the other rags in?

WWDC *is* a press event, Apple's equivalent of Intel's Developer Forum. We've written some highly critical, close-to-the-knuckle stuff about Intel before, but the company has *never* refused to talk to us, and regularly invites us to IDF. AMD gets a bit prissy occasionally, but it soon passes, despite comparable commentary.

Apple is just being silly.

[Comment written on a year-old MacBook Pro with two lines of dodgy pixels on the LCD and a right-hand fan that rattles like a baseball card in 12-year-old's bike spokes. Build quality, we've heard of it...]

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2 pennies worth

Did it again Ashley, first R.Cringly and now Apple, use your duck rabbit for whiney blogs and persecution ;-)

I sense a swift talking too from upper management! Then again, someone had to approve the article/whine surely?

Make sure your in for 8.30am tomorrow and making coffee for the boss or you may well be drawing the dole sometime soon!

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Apple

El Reg should be invited. Someone said about TV and other media having more punch than websites ... well that's true in the entertainment industry ... but we're talking about *developers*.

Developers might not even *watch* TV, and spend more time online than most people. Wait, I mean productive time: searching information and keeping up-to-date with IT news. Which El Reg happily provides.

The funny thing is that always that there is anything with "Mac" or "Apple" in it, the apple zombie fans start hyping or bashing the author (depending on the article's POV), and then gets backlash from the anti-Apple crowd.

23 years ago, Apple showed us why 1984 wouldn't be like "1984". However, it seems like that PR image has been long gone, and actually did turn, in the end, into "1984".

I used to be a Mac follower ... an early adopter (first Mac was the Mac Plus), one of those who rejoiced when System 7 finally came out (1992?). Fortunately, I ditched the Mac camp long before they went all weird. That was some time after they released the iMac, 1997 or '98, I think.

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It Means

"If you have to ask...you wouldn't get it..." (trans: "I'm not sure what it means either but it makes me sound cool.")

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