God alone knows it's going to be difficult, but we promise we will keep an absolutely straight face as we report that Dutch escort agency Society Service has set up a special service for geek virgins looking for that elusive first sexual encounter. Sociology student Zoe Vialet set up the agency last year, Ananova reports, and …
Come on Lester
Not even a link? Or are lonely geeks supposed to embark on a quest (alright, Google) to find the service?
Does El Reg have a training budget?
<..help..>. i can't stop laughing. it... hurts. sometimes the comedy just writes itself...
very enterprising young woman. the perfect target audience for such a service..
The only thing worse then 'dying as a virgin' would be 'dying as a cheater and a coward'.
Geeks make the best lovers, given half a chance
People who are sought after for their looks or social status never have to try to be good in bed, or even very nice. Those of us who had to get laid on our other merits are going to work much harder to be good lovers. Also much more appreciate of our partners than the ones who get it early and easy.
This is exactly the kind of introduction that will get these guys off to a great start on being red-hot lovers for anyone lucky enough to look past the glasses. With that said, it still helps to be neat and in decent shape. Do the best you can with what you got - your partner deserves nothing less.
For the record, I lost mine at 21. I'm not terribly good-looking, but I'm an outdoor adventuregeek which keeps my wiry-skinny self in very good shape. IT geek for a living, yo.
3 hours ????
Shouldn't take me that long.
Do they do 'specialist' services and are they open to negotiation?
ie, hour in the bath, hour in the sack, hour in Battlefield 2 ?
Can I pay with Paypal, or Linden dollars ?
Or if plastic is taken, where do I swipe my card?
(if I can think of any others, I'll be back...)
So is this like the Hello World of love for geeks?
Go on tell me they've got a booth in Second Life. And do they do house visits? I don't like to go out in the big room with the evil day star where the pizza comes from.
Zoe Vialet the Sociology Student!
It would appear the after a quick google, the sociology student who setup this service, is far from just that! Zoe Vialet is her name by the way...
I always said...
... naked women make the best geek toys. Sure the interface is non-intuitive but finding all the buttons is half the fun.
Pay to Play
Good idea, most, if not all guys and girls could use this service. At least if you pay for it the first couple of times your partner gets some benefit. Somehow you pay anyway.
If you manage a short stay in the free love zone so much the better. Sooner or later you'll end up married and then you'll have to pay, plead or bargain for sex. After 8 years of marriage I found that taking the old girl out and getting her stinko was the easiest and cheapest way to mount an argument for sex.
Even worse 2
Than dying as a virgin is dying as Geroge Bush the younger a total failure..........
For those "interested" here is the link to the page: http://www.virgin-experience.com/
Even Worse 3Final
Battelfield 2? Lamerz!
And does she bring her own Ramen?
Sounds like a fantastic idea! Couple of quick questions though:
Do you get a certificate?
Do you get to add 3 or 4 letters to the end of you name? eg CNV Certified Non-Virgin, or CEGL = certified Expert Geek Lover, or CPM = Certified Pleasure Machine
Do you need to re-certify every year? You know, to make sure you keep up with the latest trends.
I'll stop now.
Well i'm still trying to understand the difference between 'Society Service' and 'Prostitution'.
Wow, they do sex lessons as well,
"Sexlessons without any sexual intimacy are also possible."
Ah, two things that don't go together, much like a prime minister and social responsibity.
"Rates for these lessons start at euro 400 per two hours per companion and are available for singles and for couples!"
Available for couples as well, hmmm, well thats not very likely is it, as you wouldn't be using the bloody service!
"Packages are excluding: travelexpenses, dinner and lunch"
Ok so add another £20 to the total to cover the cost of two dominos pizzas.
Ultimately I was disapointed not to find an easy jet style web booking system.
Which aisle sir...
And I couldn't help but notice that their website doesn't have a doctype or declaration. And contains one or more bytes that cannot be interpreted as the defaut utf-8. Frames as well ...
I can't seems find the skype button either...
I think I'll set up one of these too. But a little more appropriate to my tastes. We'll still help out the new guy, but we'll have male employees only.
Another virgin media product then??
I'm appalled yet strangely aroused... Does the initial consultation require me to bring a couple of laptops? How about reference material, will they supply it in electronic format? And when they mean protection, are they talking proxies, router acl's or firewalls?
Revenge of the Nerds?
"People who are sought after for their looks or social status never have to try to be good in bed, or even very nice. Those of us who had to get laid on our other merits are going to work much harder to be good lovers. Also much more appreciate of our partners than the ones who get it early and easy."
I'm pretty sure that this is a slightly more elaborate line from Revenge of the Nerds. How fitting!
Isnt that one of Mr Branstons offerings - pay a load of money and he promises to fly you to the moon and back - reminds me of a character from Blackadder, Rick Mayall was Lionheart or Braveheart or something?
I'll gladly die a virgin...
...what an achievement! As an avowed celibate and adherent of VHEMT (www.vhemt.org) I can think of no better way to leave nothing behind you when you go. No progeny of mine will be slaves to the New World Order, whatever form it takes. No progeny of mine will be taken away from me by a misandrous feminist divorce court system and taught to hate their "deadbeat dad". No progeny of mine will have to watch the Earth slowly but surely turning into a poisonous, overheated industrial wasteland.
But you can still have sex and not have kids, right? Well, sure you can, but how then do you know you don't have kids? Remaining a virgin is the only way to be absolutely sure. I KNOW I don't have kids because I've never had sex. And I don't intend to. I've now made it past my 40th birthday, and you know what? The last five years were the hardest! Why? Well, when I was a young computer geek, all the girls avoided me and I was pretty much left alone to do my programming and 3D-modelling and all the things I was really interested in. But once I got past thirty-five, all these pre-menopausal body-clock time-bombs started hitting on me, and do you know how difficult it is for a man to turn down an avid woman and NOT look like a complete a*hole? Yet, for me, that's the whole point of the game.
What floats my boat is that lovely little spinal thrill of self-empowerment I get when a woman gives up trying to get me interested and goes off to look elsewhere - WITHOUT feeling slighted. Especially since I seem to come across as something of a warm, understanding person to them - I listen to their problems, I offer sympathy not advice, I treat them with the same respect and courtesy with which I treat any friendly person. As long as there's no sex. Quite a few appreciate that aspect, too - my female friends know they can talk to me with no fear of me hitting on them. The problems start when a woman realises I'm, er, not exactly struggling to make ends meet, and that she's nearing her uterine use-by date, and starts giving me The Look (and other non-verbal signals) - then I have to douse her fire as quickly and kindly as possible. And that's the hard part. Having a woman spit her dummy and call me gay before storming off in a huff is not a win. Having a woman depart with her dignity intact and glad she met someone she could talk to - that's a win. That's when I get my rush! In a world where men will generally do handstands to get laid, where any man who doesn't get sex (voluntarily or otherwise) is mocked at by his fellows - my own sense of self-worth and inner strength stems from my ability to refuse sex with no regrets.
Yes, I'll gladly die a virgin. I brought nothing with me when I came. And I'll leave nothing behind me when I go.
- 'Kim Kardashian snaps naked selfies with a BLACKBERRY'. *Twitterati gasps*
- Pics Facebook's Oculus unveils 360-degree VR head tracking 'Crescent Bay' prototype
- Analysis Apple's warrant canary riddle: Cock-up, conspiracy, or anti-Google point-scoring
- Crawling from the Wreckage THE DEATH OF ECONOMICS: Aircraft design vs flat-lining financial models
- Bargain basement iPhone shoppers BEWARE! eBay exposes users to phishing vuln